Everyday

As we close out our fundraising page this week and I look back at 2013…I am in complete awe.  God has brought us so far in this journey and yet, I can’t even wrap my mind around where we are about to go.  In a few years, I know I will look back at this season of our lives and know that our faith was tested and was stretched and we came out on the other end….with…..a deeper understanding of what it means to be a “child of God”. 

Over and over and over and over again God has provided…through you.  You blessed creature you.  I can’t tell you our baby’s name yet…but I can tell you what it means.  No joke his name means “The will of God” or “God willing”  That is the name he was given by I don’t know who, but whoever it was…they knew something was special about this child.  They knew God had big plans for him.  They knew something I have felt in my heart for a long time.  It was God’s will that he should be a part of our family, it’s God’s will that he grow into a man that follows hard after Him. 

Some big changes are coming up for the Schmids….and even though it hurts that he’s not with us yet…my sister in law pointed out to me that we are a lot closer than we were a year ago.  Amen to that.  I’ve been journaling a lot lately when I don’t know what else to do with the constant thoughts of our son that overtake my brain.

  I want to hold him now.

God’s will

I want to know what he’s doing

God’s will

I want to know who’s taking care of him

God’s will

I want to know if he gets a kiss at night

God’s will

I am struggling with the worry.

God’s will

Afterall, he isn’t mine…not really.  He’s always belonged to someone else.

God’s will.

Journal entry:

I wake up to your beautiful face

Everyday

I fall asleep thinking of those big brown eyes

Every night

And time keeps moving without you here

Minutes

Hours

Days

Months

And we pray that you are warm

Every night

We pray you can feel our love

Everyday

And love has never meant more

Or felt so strong

We talk about you

Everyday

We dream about you

Every night

We didn’t know how hard this wait would be…

Everyday

I didn’t know the tears would come as I put my head on the pillow…

Every night

Everyday

Every night

That goes by…without you, is another day of heartbreak

Of hope

Of waiting

We miss you everyday...every night.

With only 2 days left on our fundraiser, if you would still like to make a donation and receive a tax deduction, we could still really use the help.  BUT we did reach the goal we had set for ourselves and for that….we are just…so…grateful.

God Bless,
Jen,Tony, Max and Baby boy #2