Saying Goodbye

                      I have been putting off writing this blog post.  Maybe it’s because I don’t want it to be real.  I don’t want him to be gone.  But once again, God re-affirms that it is never about what I want.  Life isn’t what we want it to be…most of the time.  But life is what it is.  Life is a breath in, and a breath out, and then, life is gone.  But his soul lives on and his imprint is left on hearts.  And although life is not what we want it to be…most of the time….most of the time life is still a beautiful thing, and we were reminded of this during Dave’s memorial service.  We were reminded of this as we watched our sister Allison say goodbye to her husband and break the news to her girls with grace and strength.  

                     Days after Dave passed, I had a dream.  I tend to have vivid dreams amidst important events.  I believe this is when God speaks to my heart.  I was in Dave and Allison’s house and Dave had come back but he made it clear he only had 10 minutes to talk.  I ran to find Allison.  It was Dave as we best remember him; strong, healthy, reassuring.  Allison said “things are really heavy around here since you’ve been gone, we are all just so sad.” Dave just looked at her and said “Things will get better, just take it one day at a time and do the best you can.”  Then one of the girls was yelling and Allison said “I have to go!” Dave said, “It will be ok.”  And then he was gone.  I woke up immediately feeling like I got to say goodbye, like I got to see him one more time.  The last time we saw him we had no idea we would never see him on earth again.  I squeezed his hand as I left his hospital room and said “We love you, keep fighting buddy.”  Thinking he would, and thinking he would win.  And although Dave lost his battle to cancer, he won the everyday battle to not let cancer take away his will to live.  Even at the end, he was still trying to live.  He wasn’t afraid to die, this we know, but he wasn’t ready to leave his family.  He never let on how much pain he was in.  And so I have a feeling he would not want us to be in pain now.  He would want us to celebrate his life and continue with ours…but how will his wife and his children do this?  One day at a time.  Do the best you can.  And if that means you want to cry all day at any point, you can.  If that means you laugh all day and enjoy yourself, you can.    There is no rulebook for grief.  There is no right and wrong.  Life is what it is.  And Dave’s life…was….beautiful.  

As another one of my inspirations Maya Angelou put it:

"Maybe the hardest part is if you teach, you have to live your teaching"

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

"You are the sum total of everything you've ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it's all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive."

“I've learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as ‘making a life'.”

These quotes comfort me as I know that Dave did all these things.  He made people feel good (ask Allison or his girls) He made a life, not just a living (ask any of his students) He was always so positive (ask his nurses or doctors).  So thank you Dave, for the impact you made on so many lives, I can only hope that when it's my time...I will have that many people say that many great things about me.