M is for Moses
From my porch I was watching the pink peak thru the big dark oak trees as the sun threatened to leave me behind while it slid behind the golf course. And I just couldn't help but think about the idea of being left behind, forgotten, alone. And I was hoping my baby didn't feel that way tonight as he lay in a crib alone. I ache for him. I know that God aches for me more intensely and that is almost unfathomable. As the pink turned to gray and the darkness crept in tonight I felt so incredibly lonely... For my sweet baby Moses. My beautiful boy. I wonder if I have ever waited with such longing for anything? I think I have not. He has always been my desire. I believe there are desires that God gives us and then there are surprises that He gives us (that we never knew we wanted/needed). My first son was a blessed surprise. My second son has been my deep desire. I have longed for him, even knowing his name long ago. Moses. Drawn up out of the water. Moses who was adopted into another race and family. My Moses. My Max. My two sons of whom I am so pleased and proud. Thank you God for them. But just one tiny favor? Could they both live here now? Could we be a family? Please? I've waited a lifetime it seems. I'm weary of waiting. I'm ready to be blessed by the presence of our son. I know you promised this to us and we have waited.
That was a journal entry from a few weeks ago when I was feeling hopeless. It's been months and months and months of no news. And now (some) of the wait is over. We can tell you Baby M is now officially Moses.
In the last couple months, every time I sit down to try and write a post, I end up deleting it and walking away from the computer. It's not that I don't want to keep everyone in the loop...it's that we've been in total limbo, and I was so unsure of everything, and it all has been making me just so sad. We have been anticipating a trip in August to the DRC to meet our son...which is what keeps me going most days. Knowing I will get to hold him soon. And then it will be another 6 gut wrenching months of waiting...if not more. And that is why I can't bring myself to write it down. But in the last few days we have gotten some exciting news. We have passed court in the DRC and MOSES is now officially our son.
Now begins the U.S. investigation which can take 3-6 months. But according to the courts in the Democratic Republic of Congo, Moses, belongs to the Schmids. He's now one of us. We now pay for his foster care and we will soon get updates with pictures all the time! On July 2nd our little boy will be put on a bus and make a 12 hour journey to his new home in Kinshasa. (the capital of the DRC). This is the place we will travel to in just over 7 weeks to squeeze him for the very first time.
I have been giving myself little tasks now that most of our paperwork has been completed. Max and I made a photo album with pictures of us and the dogs and our house and their bedroom...so that Moses will be able to see what home looks like. We've been working on a little care package with clothes, lotion, a few small toys, toothbrush, etc. I literally can't wait to put it in the mail. It's like I have been holding my breath for a over a year and now I can just exhale because he's ours. I can tell you his name, I can show you his picture, I can be his mommy. It's not ideal yet, and we're not totally free of the anxiety (The DRC still isn't issuing exit letters, but we hope that will be resolved by March at least, or sooner for all the other families that have been in limbo for over a year) but we have HOPE now and something to HOLD onto.
Tonight I was putting Max to bed and he was just about asleep when the phone rang. Normally I would never answer a phone call when he is drifting off, but this is the call we have been waiting for. When she told me "He's yours!" I was filled with so much emotion, I got up and paced like a mad woman around Max's room while I asked her every question I could think of. I went downstairs to tell Tony and we both had to get Max back in bed. Max was confused because I was crying and Tony was telling him Moses was ours. When Tony left the room Max asked me if we could "go get him now?" I told him that we still had to wait and he started sobbing...like, hard. So I laid there holding my sensitive three year old son as his little body convulsed with sobs. (He may have just been really tired and confused by our emotions, but to me, it was a little boy grieving for his brother). This was solidified as we lay there and I watched him stare at the ceiling. I asked him what he was thinking about, and he took some time and finally said, "I'm thinking of how we can go and get Moses." He said, "What are you thinking about Mommy?" I said I am thinking about how I love you so much, and I love Moses so much...and I can't wait to go get him either." He said "When we get him, I will wear my Buzz Lightyear shirt, will that make you happy mommy?" "Yes buddy, that will make me very happy." Then he laid his favorite bear right by my head and said, "Here's my bear, mommy, he will make you happy because he has a big smile on his face." And rolled over and fell asleep. Oh. My. Goodness. What a moment. Oh. My. Goodness. I have two children. Lots of emotions tonight. Lots of excitement in the Schmid house. I will now have regular updates as we will start getting more pictures, but for now I can finally show you the pictures we have been poring over since January. The only connection we have had to our son. Here you go, prepare yourself, because his eyes pretty much look into your soul. Our baby Moses!
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Now begins the U.S. investigation which can take 3-6 months. But according to the courts in the Democratic Republic of Congo, Moses, belongs to the Schmids. He's now one of us. We now pay for his foster care and we will soon get updates with pictures all the time! On July 2nd our little boy will be put on a bus and make a 12 hour journey to his new home in Kinshasa. (the capital of the DRC). This is the place we will travel to in just over 7 weeks to squeeze him for the very first time.
I have been giving myself little tasks now that most of our paperwork has been completed. Max and I made a photo album with pictures of us and the dogs and our house and their bedroom...so that Moses will be able to see what home looks like. We've been working on a little care package with clothes, lotion, a few small toys, toothbrush, etc. I literally can't wait to put it in the mail. It's like I have been holding my breath for a over a year and now I can just exhale because he's ours. I can tell you his name, I can show you his picture, I can be his mommy. It's not ideal yet, and we're not totally free of the anxiety (The DRC still isn't issuing exit letters, but we hope that will be resolved by March at least, or sooner for all the other families that have been in limbo for over a year) but we have HOPE now and something to HOLD onto.
Tonight I was putting Max to bed and he was just about asleep when the phone rang. Normally I would never answer a phone call when he is drifting off, but this is the call we have been waiting for. When she told me "He's yours!" I was filled with so much emotion, I got up and paced like a mad woman around Max's room while I asked her every question I could think of. I went downstairs to tell Tony and we both had to get Max back in bed. Max was confused because I was crying and Tony was telling him Moses was ours. When Tony left the room Max asked me if we could "go get him now?" I told him that we still had to wait and he started sobbing...like, hard. So I laid there holding my sensitive three year old son as his little body convulsed with sobs. (He may have just been really tired and confused by our emotions, but to me, it was a little boy grieving for his brother). This was solidified as we lay there and I watched him stare at the ceiling. I asked him what he was thinking about, and he took some time and finally said, "I'm thinking of how we can go and get Moses." He said, "What are you thinking about Mommy?" I said I am thinking about how I love you so much, and I love Moses so much...and I can't wait to go get him either." He said "When we get him, I will wear my Buzz Lightyear shirt, will that make you happy mommy?" "Yes buddy, that will make me very happy." Then he laid his favorite bear right by my head and said, "Here's my bear, mommy, he will make you happy because he has a big smile on his face." And rolled over and fell asleep. Oh. My. Goodness. What a moment. Oh. My. Goodness. I have two children. Lots of emotions tonight. Lots of excitement in the Schmid house. I will now have regular updates as we will start getting more pictures, but for now I can finally show you the pictures we have been poring over since January. The only connection we have had to our son. Here you go, prepare yourself, because his eyes pretty much look into your soul. Our baby Moses!
photos we got a few months after the first set: