2021

It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything about anything. I only write when something feels like it can’t be left unsaid. And I only write when I feel maybe I have something to contribute on the subject. Which isn’t often, especially in today’s world. Everyone has already said it all. Every opinion has been given, over and over ad nauseam.  This year, of all the things that have happened and changed us, there is one thing I just can't stop thinking about. 

 We were going to be an interracial family. We had big plans to make sure we kept our black son connected to his culture and to his race. We were doing our research, reading the books, taking the classes. After our adoptions failed, the biggest mistake we made was giving up on that. Just because we weren’t going to be an interracial family anymore, didn’t mean we should stop educating ourselves, and our kids. We, as a white family, found it easy to ignore things that didn't affect our daily lives. I guess in my subconscious I thought, I’m not going to have a black son so I no longer will be affected by racial issues. I am embarrassed to say that. If that isn't white privilege... 

 I am grateful for people in my life that gently (or not so gently) corrected me, and held me to a higher standard. 

 I went back to reading everything I could find on the subject of racial inequality and injustice in America. A few years ago, I read Just Mercy, and it threw me off course, in a good way. I was waking up to things I just. didn’t. know. 

 We (a lot of white Americans) have a past we are unwilling to confront. We are unwilling to see how it courses through the veins of this country now.  I’ve always loved different aspects of black culture and art. I loved learning about Langston Hughes, Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. in school. Unfortunately, in my formal education, that was the extent of the black people I heard about. I listened to Stevie wonder, Marvin Gaye, Bill Withers, Common, Lauryn Hill, Alicia Keys, and India.Arie. My favorites shows were the Fresh Prince and the Cosby show. Being black in America seemed glamorous and cool. I wanted to be a part of that culture. I was unaware of the hidden sin of racism that still ran deep in America and the part I was playing in it. Consuming the culture but not understanding it. Perpetuating stereotypes and racism in my own life all the while thinking racism only existed in smaller doses present day. That racism was "back then". 

 We recently returned home from a road trip thru the south. It was eye opening to see all the confederate flags and pass by monuments still erected to honor confederate generals/soldiers. Some see it as pride in our country, unwilling to see the generational sin of racism. We still leave out large parts of history in our textbooks. We still ignore voices of people who feel the long-term effects of racism in our country. 

We stopped in Montgomery Alabama at the National Memorial for Peace and Justice on our way home. The fact that’s it’s the first memorial erected for lynching and racial brutality in America is mind blowing. It was like visiting a holocaust museum. It was haunting and I can’t shake the feeling I had there. How could this have happened? And why aren’t there more memorials and museums all over the United States honoring the victims of lynching and Civil Rights heroes? It actually felt like more than a memorial to me. I felt like it was a call to action. And by the way, I was curious to know how many states have memorials for the holocaust and it's 29.  Which is important.  But where are the memorials for the brutality that happened on our shores? 

 Outside the memorial is monument park, which holds duplicate monuments for the counties represented inside the memorial. They are waiting to be claimed by the counties and erected in them to recognize their past of racial terror. But there they lay, unclaimed. 

We have to look back to look forward. We have to. No one can heal from a wound they are unwilling to address and dress. We need to acknowledge the wounds of our black and brown brothers and sisters. Then we need to, together, dress those wounds. (Not negating that some wounds will forever be scars and there is nothing we can do to erase a scar). It was sobering watching my son read every plaque and take in why each of these people were lynched. Some for things as simple as getting a drink of water or looking at a white woman. I feel like I have failed my kids by not talking about race in our everyday. 

 So what do I have to say that even matters on the subject? Just that I see you, I hear you, I’m listening. I’m learning. I’m repenting. I’m trying to do better, to be better. I’m asking myself and others hard questions. We are talking to our kids. I am willing to speak on it, not thinking my voice matters on the subject, but knowing if I don't speak from the promptings of my heart and stay silent, I can never be cleansed from the sin of racism. I acknowledge my part in it. 

I believe that the only thing that can atone for this country's (and our own) sins is the blood of Christ.  The only true unity we can find is in Him.  Not in the leaders of our churches, or the leaders of this country.  When we start to put more faith in our leaders than the faith we have in God that is a dangerous downward spiral.  I won't worship our leaders. They can't save us from ourselves. Only God can do that. 

Turning a new page in 2021.  My eyes will be more open, my voice will be a little louder for what matters, and a little quieter for what doesn't.  

 "Continued support for white supremacy and racial hierarchy meant that slavery in America did not end- it evolved."   Bryan Stevenson 

 "The way to right wrongs is to turn the light of truth upon them." Ida B. Wells 

 "True peace is not merely the absence of tension, it's the presence of justice" Martin Luther King Jr.

"When day comes we step out of the shade aflame and unafraid the new dawn blooms as we free it, for there is always light if only we're brave enough to see it, if only we're brave enough to be it." Amanda Gorman National Youth Poet Laureate

 If you find yourself in Montgomery Alabama, the epicenter of the Civil Rights movement, please stop at the Memorial for Peace and Justice. It will change you.