The letter.

I wanted to share with you all the letter I wrote Moses.  This is a bittersweet ending, but looking forward to how God will redeem it.

My sweet boy-

   I never wanted to write you this letter.  I never wanted things this way.  But I’m learning that what I want is not always in God’s plan and although this hurts the most, you are exactly where God wants you.  You don’t remember me now but part of me/if not most of me will always be your mom.  Though I will not raise you, you are known and loved by me…always.  This is my goodbye letter for now, this is me letting go of my dream and praying desperately that you get yours.  I pray you will always feel like you belong, that you feel loved and safe.  That you can become the man I know you can be.  That you will love the One who created you and you will somehow know me too, because you called me mama once and clung to me as one clings to their protector.  I wonder if you feel your dad and brother pray for you each night or if you will reach out your arms for me ever again.  You would’ve had a little sister that just learned to say your name.  But I imagine you running barefoot, your face warm in the sun and I hear a distant echo of a giggle that once rang close to my ear and I smile…and sometimes I let the tears burn behind my eyes and sometimes I let them roll out.  Because whenever I think of you there is both beauty and brokenness…pure joy and devastating loss and I carry that…everyday.  And I can’t let go of you but I feel like if I don’t say goodbye now, I never will and I need to.  So grow strong and proud and brave son until we meet again.  Goodbye my sweet boy. Mommy loves you.

Also, our Lifesong account is temporarily closed while we apply for our church grant so if you want to donate to this new adoption you can still do so with the PayPal link that says "donate" on the right sidebar.  We have already raised $700. Only 19,300 to go!