School days are here...

I am killing it at this school thing. Just killing it. Max’s first day of school we wake up at 7:30 (maybe the first time in our lives our kids have slept in that late) and he has to be there at 7:55. I had these visions of his first day…we would get up early, we would have a big breakfast and talk about what he was most excited about, I would take pictures on the doorstep and then again once we got to his school, we would pray with him and walk him into his class. Not exactly how our morning went. We tear out of bed, I race downstairs to let the dogs out, change and feed Lucy, throw whatever I can find in a lunch box, and I go upstairs to check on Max’s progress. He has his socks on…that’s it. I throw his stuff in his backback, take a quick blurry picture of him and we haul butt out of the driveway. Traffic, of course. We speedwalk into the building and get to his door just as the tardy bell rings. I hear one mom whisper to her daughter “Make a difference!” and I just think “Please don’t make farting noises.” #goals I give him a hug and start to walk away…when I shut myself in the car the realization hits and I sob like baby.

My firstborn is in school EVERY day now. It’s been an ocean of books and trains and forts and playdates and zoo trips and morning snuggles for the last 5 years…an ocean. We have made it to the mainland and I am supposed to just let go of his hand and let him find his way. What?! I don’t think he can open his yogurt on his own…Will he know how to sit and listen? Who will hold him if someone is being mean? So I sit and cry for a bit then drive away. I’m driving away from my lil buddy, my best little friend for the last 5 years. Now I get the kid I don’t really like from 3:00-5:00 (in my opinion the most terrible hours of the day). He now spends most of his days with his peers…and I pray we have equipped him to be a leader and to be kind.

One thing that gave me a window into Max's little heart this week; He decided he wanted to make a package for Moses (Tony and I don’t have the heart to tell him he has no way to receive it right now) He picked out 3 of his transformers (if you know Max you know these are like gold to him) Some crackers and granola bars (because “he needs more food mommy”) His one and only dollar in his wallet (because he needs some money mommy) And one of his books called “What God is like.” When I asked him why he picked that book he said “Because I don’t know if he knows God and I want him to meet Him.” Cue me running into the other room to sob for a hot second. Then I came back in as him and Tony are taping the box shut. This boy. He’s gonna be just fine, I think. He has a sweet heart. Now whether or not I will be ok is another story.. as I sit and listen to the birds sing and watch some of the leaves fall… it is so strangly quiet in the house today. I miss the noise, but the silence is nice too. One tiny chapter has ended and I can’t wait to see what God does with this little man that I have come to love so much. As I watch Lucy (more on her later) I am amazed that Max was once that tiny. When we got our most recent update on Moses (more on him later) I am amazed that God has taken care of him in the way that He has…without my help…just my prayers. God is going to watch over these kids….because they are HIS and most certainly not MINE…although I am finding so much joy in the time God has been lending them to me.