Two years.
Today marks two years the ban on exit
letters has been in place. Most days I
try to think of the way we were with him.
The way he was when we left him.
It hurts to think of him with so much time between us. Two years.
Two. Years. When I think of the
730 days we’ve missed with him…I can’t, I just can’t. I can’t let myself dwell on the sadness of
this. If I felt the pain everyday, it
would be too much to bare. But there are
days….like today…when I feel it. When I
let myself look at the pictures and videos and cry all day. When I let myself wonder what he will be like
when I see him again. When I let myself
wonder IF I will see him again. I wait
for something beautiful. I wait for a
day I don’t know will come. As I wait,
I force myself to see the beauty in what is now. The new life God has given us that moves and
grows rapidly inside the mystery of the womb.
My eldest son that gives the extra dose of joy I need each day. I am grateful, I am. But today, I cry for him. I ache for him. Moses.
“Now, in the Bible a name…reveals the
very essence of a thing, or rather the essence as God's gift…To name a thing is
to manifest the meaning and value God gave it, to know it as coming from God
and to know its place and function within the cosmos created by God. To name a thing, in other words, is to bless
God for it and in it.” - John Piper
Originally we chose the name Moses
because it meant “drawn up out of the water”, and I always loved the story of
Moses in the Bible. He was raised by
people that were not his race but he went back to save his people. He was literally “drawn up” out of his
circumstances to a higher purpose in the overarching story of the God who loved
him. We always hoped that our Moses
would feel at home with us but have a tugging on his heart to give back to the
people and the culture that birthed him. We had hoped that he would also be
used by God someday to be a great man for his people.
We didn’t know when we chose this
name how significant it would become to his/our journey. We didn’t know the
long echoing cry of the patriarch of the Bible would become our cry. “Let my people go” “Let our children go” Very different situations, but to me the cry
of desperation is the same. He is one of
God’s children, an Israelite and he has yet to be “drawn up” out of the water
to fulfill his purpose. But if Moses and
the Israelites can wander in the desert for 40 years, we too can wait on God’s
timing. We may never see what God does
through our Moses. But we trust that God
will do what He promised. He will draw
His people closer to himself and we will wait.
He will hear our groanings and he will not forget us.
These words have echoed in my heart
all week.
I could just sit
I could just sit and wait for all
Your goodness
Hope to feel Your presence
And I could just stay
I could just stay right where I am
and hope to feel You
Hope to feel something again
And I could hold on
I could hold on to who I am and never
let You
Change me from the inside
And I could be safe
I could be safe here in Your arms and
never leave home
Never let these walls down
But You have called me higher
You have called me deeper
And I'll go where You will lead me
Lord
You have called me higher
You have called me deeper
And I'll go where You lead me Lord
Where You lead me
I will be Yours for all my life
So let Your mercy light the path
before me
-All Sons and Daughters