tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11993192898758172012024-03-13T07:56:53.336-07:00Before and AfricaJen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comBlogger75125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-73800188859022768572023-09-18T11:33:00.002-07:002023-09-18T11:39:47.951-07:00Grandpa<div style="text-align: center;">What I read at Grandpa's funeral</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">“By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return. “ Genesis 3:19</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I like the idea of my grandpa returning to the dirt. May sound strange but dirt is what I think of when I think of him.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I think of him running in wildly from the fields in his jean shorts and jumping into the pool- the dirt being washed away as he emerged from the water with those deep laugh lines dripping and jovial. I think of the smell of coffee mixed with dirt and diesel when I climbed into the cab of his big John Deere to see the world. I think of the dirt whipping its way over his fields before a big storm and the way he would run around preparing, then come inside dirty and tired and fall asleep in a ball next to the fireplace. I can feel the hum of the riding mower as he navigated in circles around the evergreens kicking up the dirt as he went. I think of the way he loved the dirt. Next to grandma -it was probably his first love. But dirt was only the catalyst for him to know he needed to be clean. He needed the water. He needed a Savior. Because he was a man with failures and flaws and he toiled the dirt but in the end the dirt didn’t love him back. And he knew that although he planted the seed someone bigger had to make it grow. The saying goes “whoever plants a seed believes in God” because what is a seed without the water? What is the dirt without the corn and beans to sprout from it? Who are we without Him? Just the dirt I guess.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">He would weep when he talked about his Savior and if you were there you wept too. Because this man- tender hearted to his core, loved the One who made the seeds grow.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">He loved us all well and in the best way he knew how. By pointing us to the One who formed us from the dirt.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I think the stories will make him a giant now and a legend.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Lloyd Frey.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Returned to the dirt, raised with his Savior, singing hymns bouncing along on something with a big motor, waiting for his bride to join him in the sweet by and by.</div><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC9O1_NK387umcO0RL_TR9gQECGBd9aO5auuMk_1a-e_eU-4xfgcOc5xEQq1yOJmLBOfxHcoskvWiJ3BoxfwoqzEwU7GgVZNFk9aTjZccEeDT9wEd_fANk6xyQxURs05X41B1ZPjVHYx_LErmVS64R7_UPD-xYgQuOFtWbdc7t3XtDqsO3Y_3-j7gqcBc/s4032/IMG_6065.jpeg"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC9O1_NK387umcO0RL_TR9gQECGBd9aO5auuMk_1a-e_eU-4xfgcOc5xEQq1yOJmLBOfxHcoskvWiJ3BoxfwoqzEwU7GgVZNFk9aTjZccEeDT9wEd_fANk6xyQxURs05X41B1ZPjVHYx_LErmVS64R7_UPD-xYgQuOFtWbdc7t3XtDqsO3Y_3-j7gqcBc/w480-h640/IMG_6065.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">My favorite pic of me and Grandpa in the fields..look at that dirty hat. He always wore a ball cap. I can literally smell this memory.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMWnMTVLj3HzxLI-zyulT5aVhj9i_5gv8W5HluAegkhTz9QsgdBLBhTN19FATzLHAlKRhLDp4g-K5LpyHMDV2wGX8ehm4SefLGR4S86nyj1ZYQp1ALHtzUL12FWfadJTCy9fFXv27kAoIqu8cluluOxiEoskkNpyCzsM4RkkGBL-FMmMhff0I0V4Vpwls/s4864/IMG_0897.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3648" data-original-width="4864" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMWnMTVLj3HzxLI-zyulT5aVhj9i_5gv8W5HluAegkhTz9QsgdBLBhTN19FATzLHAlKRhLDp4g-K5LpyHMDV2wGX8ehm4SefLGR4S86nyj1ZYQp1ALHtzUL12FWfadJTCy9fFXv27kAoIqu8cluluOxiEoskkNpyCzsM4RkkGBL-FMmMhff0I0V4Vpwls/w640-h480/IMG_0897.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkP8ZGZO1eVTuOSmtFpK7tAkuqyPKjVXXxrq3xd0hUNld81pTQuem0bWZ27eRAt8NiDECtMB2OfXJphq-JHz9Ycr5rfA1kGUJcZ0uRKdnkqTCy8K7v3WlURXEfgj9k7xIBJYhUtIhrEJ94qDg-W0xYw-KF3kxHDRMW0aioD5adrv9CXG3XztlDjPYNrSE/s3504/IMG_1294.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3504" data-original-width="2336" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkP8ZGZO1eVTuOSmtFpK7tAkuqyPKjVXXxrq3xd0hUNld81pTQuem0bWZ27eRAt8NiDECtMB2OfXJphq-JHz9Ycr5rfA1kGUJcZ0uRKdnkqTCy8K7v3WlURXEfgj9k7xIBJYhUtIhrEJ94qDg-W0xYw-KF3kxHDRMW0aioD5adrv9CXG3XztlDjPYNrSE/w426-h640/IMG_1294.JPG" width="426" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5LRAXn-YbnIBQTc9gZDFpBpojQRrTKIIPX8XgLPz-29Lplf8y9eNHdfSZZk8S5S_IBM0c59E4W7a3Kq8UVOIcqM1a7x2flEWOXQZBFycT2BkwT6q-6_U-CGmBaYifr51D9cFXKHzFL040NBOHVg9upDn07xwM_S2HIwxTZ1MV4RNclGqpgN3mhjDP2gw/s3504/IMG_2289.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2336" data-original-width="3504" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5LRAXn-YbnIBQTc9gZDFpBpojQRrTKIIPX8XgLPz-29Lplf8y9eNHdfSZZk8S5S_IBM0c59E4W7a3Kq8UVOIcqM1a7x2flEWOXQZBFycT2BkwT6q-6_U-CGmBaYifr51D9cFXKHzFL040NBOHVg9upDn07xwM_S2HIwxTZ1MV4RNclGqpgN3mhjDP2gw/w640-h426/IMG_2289.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Dancing with Grandma at my wedding...they didn't care where they were, if there was a good song, they were dancing.</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieNQsADzXBUyMozK9le0FGoLjcjUUAuMc8h4g62PFTasht2Qb8BcxRkCdqR5l7Dwy2LtB-BB1uNEl_jr9gA-xPCZZABVXW52dp1vJtYINKirx57Q4HdZ-EnMxF0LBdG5CP-XokRRmHPcmNhfOEjqXUdJZvhvzzk0K3a5-mROmdP16NY0cVIYGAovNP620/s4000/IMG_3193.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3000" data-original-width="4000" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieNQsADzXBUyMozK9le0FGoLjcjUUAuMc8h4g62PFTasht2Qb8BcxRkCdqR5l7Dwy2LtB-BB1uNEl_jr9gA-xPCZZABVXW52dp1vJtYINKirx57Q4HdZ-EnMxF0LBdG5CP-XokRRmHPcmNhfOEjqXUdJZvhvzzk0K3a5-mROmdP16NY0cVIYGAovNP620/w640-h480/IMG_3193.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">We spent many spring breaks at their Florida trailer. Watching March Madness, going for bike rides, dinner at Yoder's. Some of the best memories my kids have with Great Grandpa</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCI0qq1BFBSWOFREaa2K2yUF_UyLeWTsbTcc7XmMryVBBecMH_IwYEdU04kSIZmpqFo7-529xoTM28OFz46l09-TY7ZTpYlV6Rs9bfiZSx3uNZfNloI0Ypwv7HIJKRS8DmVLSxgzQIYAZZlMs0IOmEPCG_edrQ-zxXI4VsEkLepMDJegcET4w9uCqte4w/s5184/IMG_3346.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="5184" data-original-width="3456" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCI0qq1BFBSWOFREaa2K2yUF_UyLeWTsbTcc7XmMryVBBecMH_IwYEdU04kSIZmpqFo7-529xoTM28OFz46l09-TY7ZTpYlV6Rs9bfiZSx3uNZfNloI0Ypwv7HIJKRS8DmVLSxgzQIYAZZlMs0IOmEPCG_edrQ-zxXI4VsEkLepMDJegcET4w9uCqte4w/w426-h640/IMG_3346.jpg" width="426" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Max and Great Grandpa's first meeting</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXvXKiXXQpL1Y4rGGjhKWQ6SN-rew2ZSHq97TrUzOa0gKfKuAu24M8coaocxtQNXyqj9HbmnQ3Mty2M3n26sMi8QMp2oSlkL2_H07NLfecm9zEA3qm5QzrazW39U9JkEGTq-J-CU9E9nIMGcirWIIBW_wZGyIB1qX8axWMDl6ZFrBCputtDCJ-ZafiSSo/s5184/IMG_3339.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="5184" data-original-width="3456" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXvXKiXXQpL1Y4rGGjhKWQ6SN-rew2ZSHq97TrUzOa0gKfKuAu24M8coaocxtQNXyqj9HbmnQ3Mty2M3n26sMi8QMp2oSlkL2_H07NLfecm9zEA3qm5QzrazW39U9JkEGTq-J-CU9E9nIMGcirWIIBW_wZGyIB1qX8axWMDl6ZFrBCputtDCJ-ZafiSSo/w426-h640/IMG_3339.jpg" width="426" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Grandpa liked Tony right away because he played baseball, baseball was about all they talked about<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjntS7pxAeGd_94WZe9JgKWMmv7zbHn-d-e9Jr1kg14aq_udXZd0e3z5P3qNgqa6-jRbcD8MhINN7My4sgfHZGIfi_2l3FxU_ccD_VRr0b_5OiDprdnduaAq-2qQGg6y7Z38sP8e8f6Fjr9bJi_DlFhQERittPOmZMwuclcH7k1j8pBJAGCkA-lZbAz7x4/s5184/IMG_3352.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="5184" data-original-width="3456" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjntS7pxAeGd_94WZe9JgKWMmv7zbHn-d-e9Jr1kg14aq_udXZd0e3z5P3qNgqa6-jRbcD8MhINN7My4sgfHZGIfi_2l3FxU_ccD_VRr0b_5OiDprdnduaAq-2qQGg6y7Z38sP8e8f6Fjr9bJi_DlFhQERittPOmZMwuclcH7k1j8pBJAGCkA-lZbAz7x4/w426-h640/IMG_3352.jpg" width="426" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">My Grandpa's hands with Max's baby hands </div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYoZjzOKMtgi2nLwCpYX_6L-iAbGvJ9pgAXKz6VZ39mJ0p0iNu6QrvtvR9Xo_V-6em4fLCaZGefSDHTDTnV_NCEyDBo0GY1E-zKPCAa-1VRhCmw8A-cB8fIClGEJC3fvTectgOhxBMHwJD5-cNpz3j-eyqcJTSIPX4lGoRjQVoof1fRc23X-eOry3ixrw/s5184/IMG_3367.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="5184" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYoZjzOKMtgi2nLwCpYX_6L-iAbGvJ9pgAXKz6VZ39mJ0p0iNu6QrvtvR9Xo_V-6em4fLCaZGefSDHTDTnV_NCEyDBo0GY1E-zKPCAa-1VRhCmw8A-cB8fIClGEJC3fvTectgOhxBMHwJD5-cNpz3j-eyqcJTSIPX4lGoRjQVoof1fRc23X-eOry3ixrw/w640-h426/IMG_3367.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">One of the few pics of Grandpa without a hat</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgop5zY1aNy09BcDzCLm3pVBn5HFR5YPRGf9l-qFI16g3zHBUDPWV9007xaDtx6arRUi-4n3uaODcFzYYxvHThiLxozlDyFFZW3wS3F47zY-AtsD9GiPRLunzdkY9iCsFGU5l7IL5H0tATvY7jBeW7rqwWraf4QkLietZF5W_FkIy45ySn7RmXICgazZfw/s4752/IMG_5500.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4752" data-original-width="3168" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgop5zY1aNy09BcDzCLm3pVBn5HFR5YPRGf9l-qFI16g3zHBUDPWV9007xaDtx6arRUi-4n3uaODcFzYYxvHThiLxozlDyFFZW3wS3F47zY-AtsD9GiPRLunzdkY9iCsFGU5l7IL5H0tATvY7jBeW7rqwWraf4QkLietZF5W_FkIy45ySn7RmXICgazZfw/w426-h640/IMG_5500.jpg" width="426" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Had to put Max in overalls for a pic with the OG farmer. I think he was calling him "farmer Max" that weekend. I just noticed I was wearing overalls in my fave pic of me and Grandpa above</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw2KPqrBRhCqZuKGRgpin0utV7HkqwLCsPTX_yjTsrGBU97G-pUz9Iam0ajFYN8ZfXgzJbKpKJIwTJ-WBGbKkgu5zfj4F49tWw-Kqa3yJVGZLOl6fJKyHyUh5rtAIJuQH4AnoOgSPDYkz80wzlHD6MbbOKdKW-4okxkwQDX8FzQqKt-1C7VBIkiQIyAfk/s4032/IMG_5736.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw2KPqrBRhCqZuKGRgpin0utV7HkqwLCsPTX_yjTsrGBU97G-pUz9Iam0ajFYN8ZfXgzJbKpKJIwTJ-WBGbKkgu5zfj4F49tWw-Kqa3yJVGZLOl6fJKyHyUh5rtAIJuQH4AnoOgSPDYkz80wzlHD6MbbOKdKW-4okxkwQDX8FzQqKt-1C7VBIkiQIyAfk/w480-h640/IMG_5736.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">My last pic of grandpa the weekend before he passed. We went to a BBQ at their home, he always laughed at Sam, Sam was shooting people with the squirt gun and Grandpa thought it was funny...didn't know this would be the last pic I took of him. </div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDn4bam3xec7KFtuazjY_ihN_FsXfjj0bhFTKSo848brMDvL1eFkGW3lMyT4vMDrGznmW-JSlsMM-xAA7jRmWhw3M1iu4rPo0BVNz0iTXyqP_zK29W0TQZ90SQu0D4MVNDUk60A9VmOLff11IyozI5lzJLLYr4zAZommR5nmbnWvYMBl8FxCIZKaxyZPc/s3588/IMG_5885.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3588" data-original-width="2690" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDn4bam3xec7KFtuazjY_ihN_FsXfjj0bhFTKSo848brMDvL1eFkGW3lMyT4vMDrGznmW-JSlsMM-xAA7jRmWhw3M1iu4rPo0BVNz0iTXyqP_zK29W0TQZ90SQu0D4MVNDUk60A9VmOLff11IyozI5lzJLLYr4zAZommR5nmbnWvYMBl8FxCIZKaxyZPc/w480-h640/IMG_5885.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I mean....</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd56B0Fmv_7in4bLUASvEkGry1BX2H75fQ7ZSeVxEd6G6S5D1uoRDnJ9_ksFkcG1sHfPHj97TuZqv4KM_uLrhLFkDg8zXL-6C5m_FfpEoW1lFcZL2Y4AOMPpFagsdYYYK6MVSZdEPtKZjofg66BsaG7PF2F7Cf3WXSJ-e-SLMZ9pVZScuETiZL8NitkkA/s3686/IMG_5887.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3686" data-original-width="2765" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd56B0Fmv_7in4bLUASvEkGry1BX2H75fQ7ZSeVxEd6G6S5D1uoRDnJ9_ksFkcG1sHfPHj97TuZqv4KM_uLrhLFkDg8zXL-6C5m_FfpEoW1lFcZL2Y4AOMPpFagsdYYYK6MVSZdEPtKZjofg66BsaG7PF2F7Cf3WXSJ-e-SLMZ9pVZScuETiZL8NitkkA/w480-h640/IMG_5887.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXkPVd_0B9AbFCNIDFJxwQo90XYPSxi5nI-3_dvdhFInq61TYzffAaSMK5mvQXHs-IECUcTZvsB4SIlnOe7omu38darJ3h3ljMUKjgog_kfm9sTr01q2ncM31MPTvQVMEHxfrhN0YxgPH8GFTAaw33G_gq9vAHkJrJnHvt7H7OFjmT-_2Oe7039QHB0JM/s3924/IMG_5888.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2943" data-original-width="3924" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXkPVd_0B9AbFCNIDFJxwQo90XYPSxi5nI-3_dvdhFInq61TYzffAaSMK5mvQXHs-IECUcTZvsB4SIlnOe7omu38darJ3h3ljMUKjgog_kfm9sTr01q2ncM31MPTvQVMEHxfrhN0YxgPH8GFTAaw33G_gq9vAHkJrJnHvt7H7OFjmT-_2Oe7039QHB0JM/w640-h480/IMG_5888.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Grandpa could sleep anywhere, chairs, ditches, hard floors....anywhere</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZYjZuzrB3zY8XblbkpIAr-vsPvCxnquFQDIwSgi4ZewFhi37s6J6u0gnliy3wh7jtB9p3-xdZvJF1pgASp0HLlJpP-5mQVgBtTBVsZ81d297s74BnQREd2UDeSKXBXpCHhfWCOGgK3srfUZLzacaKYlFhRuR4UaC7OlMNCqDg89H3ZVZvcg3pgNu0s-4/s3661/IMG_5889.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3661" data-original-width="2746" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZYjZuzrB3zY8XblbkpIAr-vsPvCxnquFQDIwSgi4ZewFhi37s6J6u0gnliy3wh7jtB9p3-xdZvJF1pgASp0HLlJpP-5mQVgBtTBVsZ81d297s74BnQREd2UDeSKXBXpCHhfWCOGgK3srfUZLzacaKYlFhRuR4UaC7OlMNCqDg89H3ZVZvcg3pgNu0s-4/w480-h640/IMG_5889.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Farm, Faith and Baseball forever </div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAcT1TatTJAUlSnuSeEi68TbVPq-zNii1mJssB2KgPKcIA70WllBUdvtH2ES8J2HgTTbPZULPH-mNb4GpNMkf9Ut9vSVUgOoNTtMLEl4amuoeg6MXZnx5I-PPl2B6V0XKL-6q-NKJVF-WADadbliO59356riQSfWrCdd20XrWk8lR0O4rzHNti6nfcZUY/s3437/IMG_5890.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2599" data-original-width="3437" height="484" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAcT1TatTJAUlSnuSeEi68TbVPq-zNii1mJssB2KgPKcIA70WllBUdvtH2ES8J2HgTTbPZULPH-mNb4GpNMkf9Ut9vSVUgOoNTtMLEl4amuoeg6MXZnx5I-PPl2B6V0XKL-6q-NKJVF-WADadbliO59356riQSfWrCdd20XrWk8lR0O4rzHNti6nfcZUY/w640-h484/IMG_5890.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0sUitL-4G1I8FxOP0s40yf89PW2wmjP4q_zi8rnVsBtR3LK7iV_Qk-RpmChr_mgkQI-AglezW9b8oQNDj07D3wmK9dgUHmKxg5sUCdlXgiliulhUjGIsGbLTax_6si91pPhfFmvZxUfjErS8Gctwl7glOBz2CurQ6Lq3iSLvhnqqUc0bANbovi4rv7Fw/s4032/IMG_5895.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0sUitL-4G1I8FxOP0s40yf89PW2wmjP4q_zi8rnVsBtR3LK7iV_Qk-RpmChr_mgkQI-AglezW9b8oQNDj07D3wmK9dgUHmKxg5sUCdlXgiliulhUjGIsGbLTax_6si91pPhfFmvZxUfjErS8Gctwl7glOBz2CurQ6Lq3iSLvhnqqUc0bANbovi4rv7Fw/w640-h480/IMG_5895.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwEqqaGREurNiAvP_C9XEM83gm6v_tO_Z7CbHQPsjher-MXPmzVQxSG42WuTwgh-1QINLSwLYiDIXuA7ZFty9qCavh-W_-oXXsYVZ-0lyrSUV6oa3Rr4YWYhLBYkE8pjEUNll23bCSdiJ3E5De3Y7FKeQhzPrC362hP4YYaWSss_9vzJNNs2XgFEVneLE/s3659/IMG_5896.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2745" data-original-width="3659" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwEqqaGREurNiAvP_C9XEM83gm6v_tO_Z7CbHQPsjher-MXPmzVQxSG42WuTwgh-1QINLSwLYiDIXuA7ZFty9qCavh-W_-oXXsYVZ-0lyrSUV6oa3Rr4YWYhLBYkE8pjEUNll23bCSdiJ3E5De3Y7FKeQhzPrC362hP4YYaWSss_9vzJNNs2XgFEVneLE/w640-h480/IMG_5896.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXuvKNhIRuQFZTBVPnxs1DpKdHw4YyhVmY1v0zs8tavit-bMMTe3xwTHStAMOKzTUKhGtGirOwXqyuFm1uo5hRkr4vkUtzAuvECNLn5qO3Agl7Nn34a4CFkp0HmOcLZp7wigxkgohrJHPMwtWwt3T_UpYNAQa3ETQ4BVe8lGYUdzyNSyXm7IARwqMpaHQ/s3955/IMG_5901.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3955" data-original-width="2966" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXuvKNhIRuQFZTBVPnxs1DpKdHw4YyhVmY1v0zs8tavit-bMMTe3xwTHStAMOKzTUKhGtGirOwXqyuFm1uo5hRkr4vkUtzAuvECNLn5qO3Agl7Nn34a4CFkp0HmOcLZp7wigxkgohrJHPMwtWwt3T_UpYNAQa3ETQ4BVe8lGYUdzyNSyXm7IARwqMpaHQ/w480-h640/IMG_5901.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Bible time in Florida</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaJEvwhuLs27fe_20r-ErwbONoDAjU7vcrBHs7g0tCJjtxqhIv9kXXJW4gbAG9H0z8kp9yJ4uzl0oeg_BNvJ1HQYIroIigpvXcAdc5XGRNM2Ol4zVFHdAlrCmS741kL1QyPG4y3jGmUADp0NN1Ay6zaE_rc3fuMCYzkufidylmqKazXgFFaSVQqNIiPZk/s2859/IMG_5903.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2859" data-original-width="2742" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaJEvwhuLs27fe_20r-ErwbONoDAjU7vcrBHs7g0tCJjtxqhIv9kXXJW4gbAG9H0z8kp9yJ4uzl0oeg_BNvJ1HQYIroIigpvXcAdc5XGRNM2Ol4zVFHdAlrCmS741kL1QyPG4y3jGmUADp0NN1Ay6zaE_rc3fuMCYzkufidylmqKazXgFFaSVQqNIiPZk/w614-h640/IMG_5903.jpeg" width="614" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRzCQGoowtuF5lELophxtMExhSjfy_WGHFTHRyn5KV5gLpMdfbIjwtL68fWcsKiGRjT8UbgTMB0UkqxFaUjmDWkcGiZ8YyidEXUtZWWVzDrcwf4HKcCUIjCWJM7EEY_O2bRGI5vdLl3BKTjpffqdcyrghfrtr548eRrRqH28egD9TGVu6ZSfFC7KZXRto/s4032/IMG_6053.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRzCQGoowtuF5lELophxtMExhSjfy_WGHFTHRyn5KV5gLpMdfbIjwtL68fWcsKiGRjT8UbgTMB0UkqxFaUjmDWkcGiZ8YyidEXUtZWWVzDrcwf4HKcCUIjCWJM7EEY_O2bRGI5vdLl3BKTjpffqdcyrghfrtr548eRrRqH28egD9TGVu6ZSfFC7KZXRto/w480-h640/IMG_6053.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Me and Grandpa</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFs8KTKX-s_cDWegpHH-RNUA8Nwgm0p8K0PjA_Uu6uNGfHIx7l61QLe7SeijgpJ0BJWsw2fzjwQvTk-X3KQD2R8ZFKF1OLXjETF5nUSsAAdBJtTtT96mEL4MnZkQJ6gSeeSl-94NgYibhYfwo9JhsD1jorIfMX6VwY-hknPZNjcg5Z3lKgsw30ND3EbGA/s4032/IMG_6052.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFs8KTKX-s_cDWegpHH-RNUA8Nwgm0p8K0PjA_Uu6uNGfHIx7l61QLe7SeijgpJ0BJWsw2fzjwQvTk-X3KQD2R8ZFKF1OLXjETF5nUSsAAdBJtTtT96mEL4MnZkQJ6gSeeSl-94NgYibhYfwo9JhsD1jorIfMX6VwY-hknPZNjcg5Z3lKgsw30ND3EbGA/w640-h480/IMG_6052.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Meeting for the first time</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYMwskjITXe70xVx3To6jxcTU0mGTNtV0e7_KgsV1ut6MdBSB40UgFrD75lb7H3879lKGhyw7ssgeWsP59Iu62P1AhNSD7eJWJezKKvDC5wBZNIy8MLNYxRjhy3ubGvUzoZBIDsSFVAr2Geet5So51nZB-L13ViIoG7110B0Se9MaxPkm7ngwT9uu0gcA/s2187/IMG_6063.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1418" data-original-width="2187" height="414" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYMwskjITXe70xVx3To6jxcTU0mGTNtV0e7_KgsV1ut6MdBSB40UgFrD75lb7H3879lKGhyw7ssgeWsP59Iu62P1AhNSD7eJWJezKKvDC5wBZNIy8MLNYxRjhy3ubGvUzoZBIDsSFVAr2Geet5So51nZB-L13ViIoG7110B0Se9MaxPkm7ngwT9uu0gcA/w640-h414/IMG_6063.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Cereal with grandpa at the kitchen bar was the best</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMVg41t1kKyJmdiz658HPHF3ipV4aoH7V1eDEdI-mAWHs5Eq_Z-f9DWGdqja3wVSYVDQfq2-0rF5BuIZ5_6S_QqTY1pY0pdwpzaf6lhpvaXBtjPSi-PoDMiEgxq0fR_EC3T35zGMN-gKP7RNt30CtYABKcGq14HWc58tcdReqKS3XTA9wKRZ32VGrLLKQ/s4032/IMG_4088.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMVg41t1kKyJmdiz658HPHF3ipV4aoH7V1eDEdI-mAWHs5Eq_Z-f9DWGdqja3wVSYVDQfq2-0rF5BuIZ5_6S_QqTY1pY0pdwpzaf6lhpvaXBtjPSi-PoDMiEgxq0fR_EC3T35zGMN-gKP7RNt30CtYABKcGq14HWc58tcdReqKS3XTA9wKRZ32VGrLLKQ/w480-h640/IMG_4088.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">In their garden at the farm, found this after the tornado</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFMNNK9dpCUKh8pTNkn8PQw3wBkNt1kN8ihzgi3hk9nsE-9VIzDbRaIZbTIGyhPfJYcbp7cMbmWeshveYlQztoOLu7GFw2orhBIA4biA_KFGEbY6NT742KNSU6JrPdw3ObWKoRqnwVsM7Ilah4pkz5IPPqavSEvNYUezVcwV8qd0e6OP5mYmsZkCJqOwY/s4032/IMG_5902.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFMNNK9dpCUKh8pTNkn8PQw3wBkNt1kN8ihzgi3hk9nsE-9VIzDbRaIZbTIGyhPfJYcbp7cMbmWeshveYlQztoOLu7GFw2orhBIA4biA_KFGEbY6NT742KNSU6JrPdw3ObWKoRqnwVsM7Ilah4pkz5IPPqavSEvNYUezVcwV8qd0e6OP5mYmsZkCJqOwY/w480-h640/IMG_5902.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='481' height='399' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dw9I0sJkodNDzKxkSjwzM94mutw4gaIEFHTlHv2tMzBMgeaYArl5hcsi0PEgP18brWBdRahNA-PN6MbeHImcA' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Grandpa's speech at my wedding and of course the National Anthem which I don't remember giving permission for ...I do remember him asking to give the gospel presentation. Grandpa did what he wanted, it was his farm. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='503' height='418' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dyilZ5Un8f2FAORefw-o9nurudzRpUXZlIW1ir4hQYj4Qg9lW5Cq9meu8U3Syft58f655y2GD2Jl8mUKskGRw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The more appropriate Doxology for Melissa's wedding. Grandpa would lead us in this before meals rather than praying</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></p></div>Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-37817313639966836302023-08-14T07:58:00.020-07:002023-09-18T08:47:59.431-07:00The FarmThere’s a place that lives in my mind more vivid and vibrant than any other place I’ve been. A place that’s mostly gone now. The farm- we called it. I’ve traveled all over the world, but for a girl that loves to adventure, this place will always be the place my mind wanders to. Because as a little girl, this is the place where my imagination came alive. Where words spilled out in journals, where the sounds of a summer night lulled me to sleep as the wind softly (and sometimes not so softly) whipped the curtains in and out through the dirty screens. Nothing was safe from the field mist that left a soft layer of dirt on everything. Cleaning the windowsills was a pastime there. So was killing flies, (grandma gave 5 cents a fly smashed) making applesauce, snapping beans, catching fireflies, searching for barn kitties, and eating. So much eating. Potato salad and baked beans and sweet corn and mashed potatoes because yeah, it was the Midwest. Can you imagine a more magical place for a girl? Christmas’s were piles of mattresses on floors, with girls in one room, boys in another and all the adults filling the rest of the rooms. When I think back now, where did we all sleep? And I always remember my grandma saying “keep your towel!” Because 40 people and towels must be some kind of nightmare. And we’d rip open presents in the big family room fireside then the girls would move to the living room to get their own personal Madame Alexander doll picked by grandma tailored to our interests. <br /><br />Then games and games and the adults talking about adult things. <br /><br />Was it all a dream? <br /><br />Or did these things happen and did these people exist together for a time? As families grew and changed we all went to the farm with our own separate families at separate times. Over the years the paint faded and the grass grew between the brick sidewalks, and things changed. It happened without me knowing although the milestones there never failed to remind me time was slipping. <br /><br />Marrying my best friend in the front yard<br /><br />The first time I brought my baby there<div><br /></div><div>My sister's engagement in the barn<br /><br />Standing by my sister in the pool yard for her wedding<br /><br />The auction where we had to buy any heirlooms we didn't want to see sold to a stranger <br /><br />Our last family day at the farm with drone shots. Tears as we pulled out of the driveway one last time, the crackle of gravel under our tires fading away into memory.<br /><br />That’s when you could feel that time had passed and was passing quicker than any of us wanted. <br /><br />I went back after the tornado. We walked on the foundations of the shed and the barn, over 100 years old, blown away in the early hours of an Indiana morning. Like it was never there. Like we were never there. <br /><br />As I walked on the foundations of what was - I thought about what is. <br /><br />The patriarch and matriarch that are aging but still with us in their quiet chairs. <br /><br />The lines around my own eyes that set in deeper as I make my way through middle age. <br /><br />The babies that were born and rocked in my great grandmas rocking chair that call each other on their cell phones. <br /><br />But what "is" won't be forever and now that the farm is gone in some sense of the word, I know other people and places will be gone too. And I think the time is soon that my grandpa will be gone because I saw him weep over the buildings that were lost "I never want to go back there" he said and then, "I want to go home". So I think the time is near and he is headed towards heaven, and I know he will be only in our memories too. And the farm will always hold this little special corner of my heart where I will visit when life gets hard. When I want to remember life can be simple. When I want to remember that hard work and faith and generosity will leave a legacy of my own someday. Something that will live on past physical places or even my physical body. Because it really wasn't the place that changed us, it was the people. The family, imperfect and flawed as we are, we were together, and we believed in something bigger than the place. That's the legacy I want to live on in me, and my children, and my children's children. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV3xqB6Qd2ZICjVIbIqs3B9fC_yI45wFifgPbTZCXlktYNWA70v_OsUR34O37dLjPPOeqXz2jZFDNjOmR4V5L86A13wwQrqQ4Tjvz9QUTrpJnb2l0_f9PinhlUXS-XWl2qT5rGSm2gqtJyVuRkmxWNo92OknWcidvYnNaE02HLNgvHWOoEMcaJpdvcYes/s3240/ss%20-%201346.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV3xqB6Qd2ZICjVIbIqs3B9fC_yI45wFifgPbTZCXlktYNWA70v_OsUR34O37dLjPPOeqXz2jZFDNjOmR4V5L86A13wwQrqQ4Tjvz9QUTrpJnb2l0_f9PinhlUXS-XWl2qT5rGSm2gqtJyVuRkmxWNo92OknWcidvYnNaE02HLNgvHWOoEMcaJpdvcYes/w640-h426/ss%20-%201346.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLTP4byfdUSs5My9-rx00iT1j-J6-ylnP8ExmbeRDKwmMUdiB9kbx3_uNC6PcLN_AbNwA1I-c_JVow_TmW2Bkqx0bG_XsmUxtweKwGX-HKbBeIWV5_zco-zshuIQASFGgm8ZQ_wVsHTKEniMUDuX7qMGA7f21YZe-hBff6Kqy17OrUxZq19cfX3ZC5-_Y/s640/Julee%20Family%20Photos-1.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="426" data-original-width="640" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLTP4byfdUSs5My9-rx00iT1j-J6-ylnP8ExmbeRDKwmMUdiB9kbx3_uNC6PcLN_AbNwA1I-c_JVow_TmW2Bkqx0bG_XsmUxtweKwGX-HKbBeIWV5_zco-zshuIQASFGgm8ZQ_wVsHTKEniMUDuX7qMGA7f21YZe-hBff6Kqy17OrUxZq19cfX3ZC5-_Y/w640-h426/Julee%20Family%20Photos-1.jpeg" width="640" /></a><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPDnRapH5NaSf-NXpy0bPp37wwor8qb_wKo9iwJYzopQpaXM4MXdD3Nh_9GLY90sUn3XGxUg_4d7r1WZGB1l6SY7xxKJFsOJBm83zvHhBy9_lo1lncDlCz_e4yWo0cgF3utN8s4AgFC5ecBtpNHKhYyBjHGTo7u24V6O99lS9bxXa4YB8HohvIxZ0TuS8/s3504/IMG_9980.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2336" data-original-width="3504" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPDnRapH5NaSf-NXpy0bPp37wwor8qb_wKo9iwJYzopQpaXM4MXdD3Nh_9GLY90sUn3XGxUg_4d7r1WZGB1l6SY7xxKJFsOJBm83zvHhBy9_lo1lncDlCz_e4yWo0cgF3utN8s4AgFC5ecBtpNHKhYyBjHGTo7u24V6O99lS9bxXa4YB8HohvIxZ0TuS8/w640-h426/IMG_9980.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4AQh_Q0bClxpdewF9roa83cRbAobmWDISDh8-a4SzZ9zuEX2939-QqV_LkhB9aqeaLtBdm48_GvxV0LqMFYBKBe31s-bb0Citj5mH_8cfxCLYSWfj1Sn5e0gdqoP-hD1de6EXf_7Vt2b4jo9N33o_it-7PSmViA5oO_gul0Zue_w4FKqO4aevLon7mow/s5184/IMG_9504.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="5184" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4AQh_Q0bClxpdewF9roa83cRbAobmWDISDh8-a4SzZ9zuEX2939-QqV_LkhB9aqeaLtBdm48_GvxV0LqMFYBKBe31s-bb0Citj5mH_8cfxCLYSWfj1Sn5e0gdqoP-hD1de6EXf_7Vt2b4jo9N33o_it-7PSmViA5oO_gul0Zue_w4FKqO4aevLon7mow/w640-h426/IMG_9504.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">After Melissa's wedding</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdQct_ZHmHuza3H4lWuK-rvQE7OlnacvG0iNLwTzssvcAFgrE4uIWGpqrSlGymol0b6y5K2awcJVeHfwSntA4Zu3KF1Z7V0cEktCWUZz5dfRua9358r4YG5BuPKwBUKF9qxmABQKgDpPEAtHAyL1OHJZYMdr5Ohs40esN06hneP7Y01vN5si9AfZUFNng/s5184/IMG_7848.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="5184" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdQct_ZHmHuza3H4lWuK-rvQE7OlnacvG0iNLwTzssvcAFgrE4uIWGpqrSlGymol0b6y5K2awcJVeHfwSntA4Zu3KF1Z7V0cEktCWUZz5dfRua9358r4YG5BuPKwBUKF9qxmABQKgDpPEAtHAyL1OHJZYMdr5Ohs40esN06hneP7Y01vN5si9AfZUFNng/w640-h426/IMG_7848.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Max loved to explore at the farm</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjokLpGQxZW0kSjU6pWUcT9KAQ245720_GxDKht4BK1yhHlZw4zAXhwBZwoy87G27gw52cg8oC6fnjBipcFY3zjEKMQc7ZKR2C0b4rNETA_4tOI0hOmdixnkWr841jdUA1wMTGKZ2hM-yEA7kxSgbCRBVhRz9uHczNaQT6abpoqB7H53tToSEarZC-yMjQ/s5184/IMG_7792.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="5184" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjokLpGQxZW0kSjU6pWUcT9KAQ245720_GxDKht4BK1yhHlZw4zAXhwBZwoy87G27gw52cg8oC6fnjBipcFY3zjEKMQc7ZKR2C0b4rNETA_4tOI0hOmdixnkWr841jdUA1wMTGKZ2hM-yEA7kxSgbCRBVhRz9uHczNaQT6abpoqB7H53tToSEarZC-yMjQ/w640-h426/IMG_7792.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNZst1XjUab_TqJLvBcsMyDLIJ2FYerGfEQgSU5yn7iC6KGS9cjh8zLrw-zAlxc85gDMhnwp4InqBAcSiLnJnTHLGrcOPwUYSapBR-N0F7tr2h36YxVMbXuIZ3Z984iAi1LX2cRhH7uCS_UIezZoc3xCua_iw6pxjolPdKNu767EGEUJEVKm6zLh-myn0/s4032/IMG_5714.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNZst1XjUab_TqJLvBcsMyDLIJ2FYerGfEQgSU5yn7iC6KGS9cjh8zLrw-zAlxc85gDMhnwp4InqBAcSiLnJnTHLGrcOPwUYSapBR-N0F7tr2h36YxVMbXuIZ3Z984iAi1LX2cRhH7uCS_UIezZoc3xCua_iw6pxjolPdKNu767EGEUJEVKm6zLh-myn0/w480-h640/IMG_5714.jpg" width="480" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Gram waving goodbye as we pulled out for the very last time</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVzsu9-P75cXbPmThSatrY4pvMpIzCudil2kO635_LHsFWZykIlPLZYtPItqrsMqCz0guf34ZtXSWk2D4qvCiZPQ7kfUBz-YxUFTxKJBe0mVI632fo5vzNmyhOjWkpP3PqssvyHKeWqTXLFu7c4U-5b_3k4DTXflSwl9he9f5HQVtWMWZSOPa4DUPEn14/s4032/IMG_5693.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVzsu9-P75cXbPmThSatrY4pvMpIzCudil2kO635_LHsFWZykIlPLZYtPItqrsMqCz0guf34ZtXSWk2D4qvCiZPQ7kfUBz-YxUFTxKJBe0mVI632fo5vzNmyhOjWkpP3PqssvyHKeWqTXLFu7c4U-5b_3k4DTXflSwl9he9f5HQVtWMWZSOPa4DUPEn14/w480-h640/IMG_5693.jpg" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Lucy playing on the kitchen stairs</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIgyT5mkt5d_K9ERfbqFzG0Iyy9u5AgNMQbuGfmvjJ348Rxuk350RNJVBcCUexpbckraWH4m4gLuzuk3pQP9eiMmbrPTlmfWPIRjbc5K2tuw2piZ8e7_t13AtHhYwXOr0_L0ngd0uHFDR8zW9WwJOd-rMb4Sv06LtwycQq6mTc1Gg-a3ddz-Zh5QDjMRo/s3576/IMG_6055.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3576" data-original-width="2682" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIgyT5mkt5d_K9ERfbqFzG0Iyy9u5AgNMQbuGfmvjJ348Rxuk350RNJVBcCUexpbckraWH4m4gLuzuk3pQP9eiMmbrPTlmfWPIRjbc5K2tuw2piZ8e7_t13AtHhYwXOr0_L0ngd0uHFDR8zW9WwJOd-rMb4Sv06LtwycQq6mTc1Gg-a3ddz-Zh5QDjMRo/w480-h640/IMG_6055.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Me playing on the kitchen stairs</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicFwvZHb19KCRAdXBObsoDxTQEWiN_vI0WVdzMTn01HO1sa9KBBsWSt-xUO9ZgdjUIdH4LOfLAMMxhZbp-9BMStTuZXgDSSTZkeEKoYYlFTeaVv0j7cv2W5fqAMENoVwuQnLG75gvt9ukdKk3RUxU5PXEJYXJ6kla6l2HBBlrdSFPwRFmOt6UXOqGGOFg/s4032/IMG_5687.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicFwvZHb19KCRAdXBObsoDxTQEWiN_vI0WVdzMTn01HO1sa9KBBsWSt-xUO9ZgdjUIdH4LOfLAMMxhZbp-9BMStTuZXgDSSTZkeEKoYYlFTeaVv0j7cv2W5fqAMENoVwuQnLG75gvt9ukdKk3RUxU5PXEJYXJ6kla6l2HBBlrdSFPwRFmOt6UXOqGGOFg/w480-h640/IMG_5687.jpg" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Last weekend on the farm</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg53TcbUNJOo220KGFR3KWbx6mIOG5o46et-3qSDd7dBVm5CZNv4CspI50xjNCS4dXSG9raSv5LQUxqW4lguM7X8EcgkVZ6BHx4fuezGMKl8GjnHGdEbXosxh9k9lUUe2yi_PwtmMNN7y5BwgwajZ7KQV0dhxqH_d7cm_cxnlzwD7URQwvIU8W1Yo858d0/s4032/IMG_5676.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg53TcbUNJOo220KGFR3KWbx6mIOG5o46et-3qSDd7dBVm5CZNv4CspI50xjNCS4dXSG9raSv5LQUxqW4lguM7X8EcgkVZ6BHx4fuezGMKl8GjnHGdEbXosxh9k9lUUe2yi_PwtmMNN7y5BwgwajZ7KQV0dhxqH_d7cm_cxnlzwD7URQwvIU8W1Yo858d0/w640-h480/IMG_5676.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Trying to remember this moment, last weekend with Gram and Granpa on the farm</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2idLmQhwCCORXLmZhdiDqddnYW3w1uTVzqHkIPUlaCuTK_TJCm0iXDLQkLPCZrd_hGau0macCF3V9EMvEjqfdWDjuzj19ZpqPf_rTX1VfvNQHKC5BWh8Fy7y7DbEl93-wLcRHJU8O0RjnCqqcvRzaPR1FhWYkV2EB_D6lnTBFx3TnXS48dQ-2p9Fcfvo/s4000/IMG_5011.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3000" data-original-width="4000" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2idLmQhwCCORXLmZhdiDqddnYW3w1uTVzqHkIPUlaCuTK_TJCm0iXDLQkLPCZrd_hGau0macCF3V9EMvEjqfdWDjuzj19ZpqPf_rTX1VfvNQHKC5BWh8Fy7y7DbEl93-wLcRHJU8O0RjnCqqcvRzaPR1FhWYkV2EB_D6lnTBFx3TnXS48dQ-2p9Fcfvo/w640-h480/IMG_5011.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Mom and Dad lived on the farm for 8 years to help Gram and Granpa- we lived in Indy for some of that time so Max got to spend a lot of time there</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkNJb9LSUEKHcp4s7J1FCCmRtj2shwC5yDBVbx_RnvDrz6CbSM1QXMb70oCEQwHijhWzA8cldkJBKIxVp9M1kYDwUc_fYX3DVj_2tITLUaV-_Z8RvyXwAkcfQo5-HSEOIOEXsy5tV4_h3V5qyz-ob_3pe4ozv9hQcxt8AmOuw1qv9h-_DWLUgXAmAEi5Q/s1280/IMG_5000.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkNJb9LSUEKHcp4s7J1FCCmRtj2shwC5yDBVbx_RnvDrz6CbSM1QXMb70oCEQwHijhWzA8cldkJBKIxVp9M1kYDwUc_fYX3DVj_2tITLUaV-_Z8RvyXwAkcfQo5-HSEOIOEXsy5tV4_h3V5qyz-ob_3pe4ozv9hQcxt8AmOuw1qv9h-_DWLUgXAmAEi5Q/w640-h480/IMG_5000.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Tony's mom, sister and our nieces visiting the farm</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnWXRsu6CyPhbxMlB052R10RdQsiiZ-sNPBdjJmnwN4-Up7w9Tu7r4bY4RzH8gOo4LZdb0Yd0tdBES5vqEIT8a8GkyzygTUq3Zv7-985xI0xjjjRq5dHMdtMSHks-9mTcwmUV7aBRjehGi4_JYolpkFGr78FQMgV2HdMda9FC7QhTJKywr3FVThB5tTJk/s4000/IMG_4976.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3000" data-original-width="4000" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnWXRsu6CyPhbxMlB052R10RdQsiiZ-sNPBdjJmnwN4-Up7w9Tu7r4bY4RzH8gOo4LZdb0Yd0tdBES5vqEIT8a8GkyzygTUq3Zv7-985xI0xjjjRq5dHMdtMSHks-9mTcwmUV7aBRjehGi4_JYolpkFGr78FQMgV2HdMda9FC7QhTJKywr3FVThB5tTJk/w640-h480/IMG_4976.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0GFRvHUACL8WkmuupxPGPqk5HtY2J2tjNKBO8P8zwb8WuzRT2At_904yEs2YTAKBbimGgeGk3CAxxP-HEwZuEaFVOKlZlLrTaYa3aLxe7Q_q9136KX4FFK5BQKXpQYitr1C1qMk5rpXS4ia9miGgYxkVcqThQns-cQBhYuDSw0wPGyysPjMysLlZa300/s4000/IMG_4911.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3000" data-original-width="4000" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0GFRvHUACL8WkmuupxPGPqk5HtY2J2tjNKBO8P8zwb8WuzRT2At_904yEs2YTAKBbimGgeGk3CAxxP-HEwZuEaFVOKlZlLrTaYa3aLxe7Q_q9136KX4FFK5BQKXpQYitr1C1qMk5rpXS4ia9miGgYxkVcqThQns-cQBhYuDSw0wPGyysPjMysLlZa300/w640-h480/IMG_4911.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Breakfast at the kitchen counter will always be a favorite memory </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-1A4L8Q3yRMogD8nM-JU3OlcBVAyktMv8esANcBjewVlD55AqNZaJ9WyHVDANI3dwrkuR-N8l5ALf9OpVcEaBgbzO2tdGbn-WTb3_B3uXSX2UG6HXawrt3nHAQZdtbO_qkF7rAtvN9mBm2rE6BXTFdSrdceFEMXIuvxps2LsaW8Rcn3Icgp-T-6Bwpe8/s4000/IMG_4807.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3000" data-original-width="4000" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-1A4L8Q3yRMogD8nM-JU3OlcBVAyktMv8esANcBjewVlD55AqNZaJ9WyHVDANI3dwrkuR-N8l5ALf9OpVcEaBgbzO2tdGbn-WTb3_B3uXSX2UG6HXawrt3nHAQZdtbO_qkF7rAtvN9mBm2rE6BXTFdSrdceFEMXIuvxps2LsaW8Rcn3Icgp-T-6Bwpe8/w640-h480/IMG_4807.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Knee high by the 4th of July (they were probably about knee high too here)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgONapHjrCX2Jhdzmns0zq22VENZ061shlq71LkqVue3xoM5eUZdSLw5EMf1d0MEGBXjrc3w1CNlf7toiq_dzMLtltGnNQN7wz5qApzjHN8EpY8XTJWrLIMyvjbFvBNQ45VNL4Rr5wc0kS4BotB6JUgyuxdX8aS2LQdits_JM3c-XAzG-Xn9NxE_L58bdk/s5184/IMG_3362.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="5184" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgONapHjrCX2Jhdzmns0zq22VENZ061shlq71LkqVue3xoM5eUZdSLw5EMf1d0MEGBXjrc3w1CNlf7toiq_dzMLtltGnNQN7wz5qApzjHN8EpY8XTJWrLIMyvjbFvBNQ45VNL4Rr5wc0kS4BotB6JUgyuxdX8aS2LQdits_JM3c-XAzG-Xn9NxE_L58bdk/w640-h426/IMG_3362.JPG" width="640" /></a></div></div></div><div><div style="text-align: center;">Three generations</div></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh9mt8IxKQ2mGTMAFRQzh1LWD4WAqDpJrol0pb6Rt1M9PuGtyGqMdPAMIp_TScIxsv70jfj0zoY1ihMPIsDhSeLh9YwjYfFCjwL3rEGe0kCSH0qGOSxKggXz9CELqcGyz5Qpg7AbHfIOKb6uOgeI4zv1KNw9IrJXBxi4Xczi1cq9b3QbtyCSmQzn4kbwU/s5184/IMG_3313.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="5184" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh9mt8IxKQ2mGTMAFRQzh1LWD4WAqDpJrol0pb6Rt1M9PuGtyGqMdPAMIp_TScIxsv70jfj0zoY1ihMPIsDhSeLh9YwjYfFCjwL3rEGe0kCSH0qGOSxKggXz9CELqcGyz5Qpg7AbHfIOKb6uOgeI4zv1KNw9IrJXBxi4Xczi1cq9b3QbtyCSmQzn4kbwU/w640-h426/IMG_3313.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">My sweet Gram and my first visit with Max to the farm</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCoJmQy4sxK-RZs6dvqitk6iubv5Z1AONRXJPr7ZCK9x7E9uQ69CN2ePbzqJObJ2L_-EM5S5g-M-eSTc3L-uOyEWg5rbtiTmJggLhsvf_YXNZrTD5AhZ1jrUj9EWt3H1Lv_2YXbeV5SVSEYja77r7QdNbxOZR1tDl0NnxlrTED3BEFeXgJiCfec0sze8k/s5184/IMG_3294.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="5184" data-original-width="3456" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCoJmQy4sxK-RZs6dvqitk6iubv5Z1AONRXJPr7ZCK9x7E9uQ69CN2ePbzqJObJ2L_-EM5S5g-M-eSTc3L-uOyEWg5rbtiTmJggLhsvf_YXNZrTD5AhZ1jrUj9EWt3H1Lv_2YXbeV5SVSEYja77r7QdNbxOZR1tDl0NnxlrTED3BEFeXgJiCfec0sze8k/w426-h640/IMG_3294.jpg" width="426" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Matching hoodies and matching the Grey Barn</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhsURs-qTaQbjmDZowLDiouv6eNcvxOimAm-hyxLky-jf9NzhDuPeWI6kF9Bn2j0iysXfNz1LqjSbdwxDljzQwd3kS4MM2cwZvHTrzxIc74ssPaZ6ECNLDxRsX77d9KIrDfj37bOM4Mv1_CNaxQz59Mp4qYDVXdwoKI3B8GMp2ddeFR74yqxi_w243cU8/s5184/IMG_3209.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="5184" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhsURs-qTaQbjmDZowLDiouv6eNcvxOimAm-hyxLky-jf9NzhDuPeWI6kF9Bn2j0iysXfNz1LqjSbdwxDljzQwd3kS4MM2cwZvHTrzxIc74ssPaZ6ECNLDxRsX77d9KIrDfj37bOM4Mv1_CNaxQz59Mp4qYDVXdwoKI3B8GMp2ddeFR74yqxi_w243cU8/w640-h426/IMG_3209.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">The first great grandkids in our family </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7XHS7rAaLWIXlfEBQiKU3L9RW5vqLmXT01RUFhe6G0Nlbfv2Npb7iZG5pRKLqjEuTztE3vC3p1115xpElcOxVdqU5ECQuAIFmQ0PRBccJY0ODbpLzjbTfuPkJ0kvNmXulX7ljAi54UTcERkxJXkA1lcAKgeEGlojIMkWnp53cnhAe7gwCieG8pRzgUNQ/s5184/IMG_3199.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="5184" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7XHS7rAaLWIXlfEBQiKU3L9RW5vqLmXT01RUFhe6G0Nlbfv2Npb7iZG5pRKLqjEuTztE3vC3p1115xpElcOxVdqU5ECQuAIFmQ0PRBccJY0ODbpLzjbTfuPkJ0kvNmXulX7ljAi54UTcERkxJXkA1lcAKgeEGlojIMkWnp53cnhAe7gwCieG8pRzgUNQ/w640-h426/IMG_3199.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Newly Engaged</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpSzvNDk5jmUg7YTElf9XFYfOznb7GbPJhWYGi5y2UwMRepNtdnpR_NXWssMPlJ703Q19BOAQQZbMug16fA1u20GIZX3wOSKxH6B4UTZPPM9f0TVCir5y-tJwWIqw0YJ9NCsI-SUPPr88TU_Z7swaAV7lcNu7KRaLV1xP4w9CypHzPV3MXVi9KirmZCG4/s5184/IMG_3127.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="5184" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpSzvNDk5jmUg7YTElf9XFYfOznb7GbPJhWYGi5y2UwMRepNtdnpR_NXWssMPlJ703Q19BOAQQZbMug16fA1u20GIZX3wOSKxH6B4UTZPPM9f0TVCir5y-tJwWIqw0YJ9NCsI-SUPPr88TU_Z7swaAV7lcNu7KRaLV1xP4w9CypHzPV3MXVi9KirmZCG4/w640-h426/IMG_3127.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Melis and Spence getting engaged in the barn</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimuKE_RofAbbOmGmvU0uo53pH1iraHb86QcdFwfcyIv7V5tm8IBGtzZMYtfLtB8xwk5_3VVoxKDkZxKX093IHPa1pj282SFM-iNOKLIl2aHEBxfRZ2nCkGkyRAde65h_hYbbSPNYujQdnocO-LWxDRErsnyQ8Wj2-kSaUcHoMUPo2r4mr_RW8vR5uLinY/s4752/IMG_2402.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3168" data-original-width="4752" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimuKE_RofAbbOmGmvU0uo53pH1iraHb86QcdFwfcyIv7V5tm8IBGtzZMYtfLtB8xwk5_3VVoxKDkZxKX093IHPa1pj282SFM-iNOKLIl2aHEBxfRZ2nCkGkyRAde65h_hYbbSPNYujQdnocO-LWxDRErsnyQ8Wj2-kSaUcHoMUPo2r4mr_RW8vR5uLinY/w640-h426/IMG_2402.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3ci_AZNwq5TyWwtevREfPDbqeOySOhG5UXLus_KleUuB1Yua_Xnxsq2qL0bedVF9OVQhqUD2tNAQ4rgY8o1fPWW-fRlx8O_3XylbYUhBa1LJT73Zua3Tyv7U5N_2CpZTL83t4kpqOXcSS30N6VvSzbzElCHNNePGBLf16QS8yhKu0ecL2o7VyHn5U9R8/s4032/IMG_1413.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3ci_AZNwq5TyWwtevREfPDbqeOySOhG5UXLus_KleUuB1Yua_Xnxsq2qL0bedVF9OVQhqUD2tNAQ4rgY8o1fPWW-fRlx8O_3XylbYUhBa1LJT73Zua3Tyv7U5N_2CpZTL83t4kpqOXcSS30N6VvSzbzElCHNNePGBLf16QS8yhKu0ecL2o7VyHn5U9R8/w640-h480/IMG_1413.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Nothing like sunsets at the farm</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5csslXEKSzc6llqkuLX4paow19tvmavsO33XOI-OgvZuXr4dhkd5UB3iRWg7y-MY_5xaOaKs1hJBLHN-tfQxSfO2eYdcCoKwnzXmKm6ftjkl5aDNgCtlR_RdTmTWm_gWDV4021QJ6OdyIDjnCeft6NSBdNDee53X7X66kql3jz9Ucur17AEEZ1kLDmhc/s4032/IMG_1389.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5csslXEKSzc6llqkuLX4paow19tvmavsO33XOI-OgvZuXr4dhkd5UB3iRWg7y-MY_5xaOaKs1hJBLHN-tfQxSfO2eYdcCoKwnzXmKm6ftjkl5aDNgCtlR_RdTmTWm_gWDV4021QJ6OdyIDjnCeft6NSBdNDee53X7X66kql3jz9Ucur17AEEZ1kLDmhc/w640-h480/IMG_1389.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Lucy won't remember the farm but I remember her there</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilWAtKa_OV_atI1_aFUR2cJNfTki3HwFoNhzMgIRoVlGoNnyvkF1s-k7Ao_4khk_7V3YL4BYjiGEAqQXwD_sGRZZ3elx8C84DEnh7uMDzcEokVzTN9YlRaQV4CmTYUFH9ZaSEOI968ZOF8NuACIYufWplwPn-8mnMMnXy7rw7QJNXZJlTGWYCu4x9hmzM/s4032/IMG_6054.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilWAtKa_OV_atI1_aFUR2cJNfTki3HwFoNhzMgIRoVlGoNnyvkF1s-k7Ao_4khk_7V3YL4BYjiGEAqQXwD_sGRZZ3elx8C84DEnh7uMDzcEokVzTN9YlRaQV4CmTYUFH9ZaSEOI968ZOF8NuACIYufWplwPn-8mnMMnXy7rw7QJNXZJlTGWYCu4x9hmzM/w640-h480/IMG_6054.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">That wallpaper game at the farm was always strong</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9Fs9CsYYzPKkJpStQAk0DMaWI3oCE17DqQoyLp7NAFC6lLVQFyhc1qLqok13MIgQuWlKYnIsYML0Dclu1qehj52XNIEYpNxsZ9u3_YerAf-NLx1n289Cff9WzQSnJed8ipufRwUpg_PQNpnJK5hqfcs0LZTLNAuFbkdh1RoGR6XvFdqr8cMSoEjzDFFQ/s2576/IMG_1386.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1932" data-original-width="2576" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9Fs9CsYYzPKkJpStQAk0DMaWI3oCE17DqQoyLp7NAFC6lLVQFyhc1qLqok13MIgQuWlKYnIsYML0Dclu1qehj52XNIEYpNxsZ9u3_YerAf-NLx1n289Cff9WzQSnJed8ipufRwUpg_PQNpnJK5hqfcs0LZTLNAuFbkdh1RoGR6XvFdqr8cMSoEjzDFFQ/w640-h480/IMG_1386.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Three generations (lady edition)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh98xJIjh9Bgthkc7EODLjxzyV_I9jO9xgCmAGMIxowEuAAJDSTLMUdI1qBzPYmwZnlj4h-75T2kCOyWaQ_PwiBFuSjP-B2vJ03rwPgSQVmNzNSuIz0Hw8MjEQSUMcexUFnjEVrlErb2Q2hWeyUyT-Ie01LszjtN7AJZWuUtCOLP7_fp1Xwet1Asopr16I/s4032/IMG_1179_2.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh98xJIjh9Bgthkc7EODLjxzyV_I9jO9xgCmAGMIxowEuAAJDSTLMUdI1qBzPYmwZnlj4h-75T2kCOyWaQ_PwiBFuSjP-B2vJ03rwPgSQVmNzNSuIz0Hw8MjEQSUMcexUFnjEVrlErb2Q2hWeyUyT-Ie01LszjtN7AJZWuUtCOLP7_fp1Xwet1Asopr16I/w640-h480/IMG_1179_2.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFkU8CL2tTPYVrRYkhbuV6257IsEh5wBQ8qlUnYTpEfOTUMYJCjmSFK-x_xHrIKcX33kM2Aaep-kJfgCilTEFdGz1coOay8L5LPNSlHD3KX4nJHq5nUsn1ua2NpGRB2jPQ-zfu89Fa9pBXhYJ5TtLhRVbNtOMkdv9P3rcnuXR5V3MlnAY7HI2rXldKo70/s2576/IMG_1166_2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2576" data-original-width="1932" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFkU8CL2tTPYVrRYkhbuV6257IsEh5wBQ8qlUnYTpEfOTUMYJCjmSFK-x_xHrIKcX33kM2Aaep-kJfgCilTEFdGz1coOay8L5LPNSlHD3KX4nJHq5nUsn1ua2NpGRB2jPQ-zfu89Fa9pBXhYJ5TtLhRVbNtOMkdv9P3rcnuXR5V3MlnAY7HI2rXldKo70/w480-h640/IMG_1166_2.jpg" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwohDxKGrNpLExO-yw5FPvYr38U1rsoDaOkXZRbJykQld2Ay6nMCam4HgR9rY0MkvmxwqK3ykvLbknTTTlG_2PGU0qRDFLmyfCUYK45QMH2JLQ5xr-w_EHeRZBcrRlIs448ypixtWKVagfveWkvHtACd4DdTKtqraqgM33bF3XLOFdtwO5rDtujU7fWSA/s5184/IMG_0985.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="5184" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwohDxKGrNpLExO-yw5FPvYr38U1rsoDaOkXZRbJykQld2Ay6nMCam4HgR9rY0MkvmxwqK3ykvLbknTTTlG_2PGU0qRDFLmyfCUYK45QMH2JLQ5xr-w_EHeRZBcrRlIs448ypixtWKVagfveWkvHtACd4DdTKtqraqgM33bF3XLOFdtwO5rDtujU7fWSA/w640-h426/IMG_0985.JPG" width="640" /></a></div> </div><div style="text-align: center;"> Max watching the barn kitties</div><div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJYqXhMQgLO4ZbPlizFk73R3wdlXT04L5sXz0lS0QNueS6Z0iz6bZf-w0XCyRwrKkHxIzHazmGIowWk2d3pTQ95ZKpXtt9OhvTGBSG9AbVji2pXfRvL7UoK4FT-r_nEVbCQA0sGIQLSHmoTxDg-5EVdxxRE4Tg5jOkPyB3sHJ6x9lLx_1AHgoSo90xdFc/s5184/IMG_0943.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="5184" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJYqXhMQgLO4ZbPlizFk73R3wdlXT04L5sXz0lS0QNueS6Z0iz6bZf-w0XCyRwrKkHxIzHazmGIowWk2d3pTQ95ZKpXtt9OhvTGBSG9AbVji2pXfRvL7UoK4FT-r_nEVbCQA0sGIQLSHmoTxDg-5EVdxxRE4Tg5jOkPyB3sHJ6x9lLx_1AHgoSo90xdFc/w640-h426/IMG_0943.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFXpgrzOTfVnTb1WtSDUfxVH2kWKK8BDiQD6ZwEKzCi9UIaP8geuUhyCiloPfJxI6Vrc9b8s0OcqUd1c-ciH8VB0ndFjP3N9qFjNpkPPh_v1pXJ2UTkog0BiEZwel6yJBPO_x0NoCGqHR2dfc4PcN-nSEBnVFlVs50h0SBt3Qn_SOyxro9ne4LkNsoIR4/s4032/IMG_5891.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFXpgrzOTfVnTb1WtSDUfxVH2kWKK8BDiQD6ZwEKzCi9UIaP8geuUhyCiloPfJxI6Vrc9b8s0OcqUd1c-ciH8VB0ndFjP3N9qFjNpkPPh_v1pXJ2UTkog0BiEZwel6yJBPO_x0NoCGqHR2dfc4PcN-nSEBnVFlVs50h0SBt3Qn_SOyxro9ne4LkNsoIR4/w640-h480/IMG_5891.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm9zD3z_Own6mXSHyU6WvRohsb4GapOcDbJWYXSdxWxqsdzage4qZqU9Xm_AqTxTWYrnHMVNHBZjy1Dz2lfo_lNRlgvJ7lvdylz91S0sV8_4wPYnO2vziWA9JimM5CLwGl1ZQNZeNrxQ_G11NQcPKb_8owKtkuFbVOrG-xzhzftetYFAEjAB6Djr1wJEY/s4032/IMG_5892.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm9zD3z_Own6mXSHyU6WvRohsb4GapOcDbJWYXSdxWxqsdzage4qZqU9Xm_AqTxTWYrnHMVNHBZjy1Dz2lfo_lNRlgvJ7lvdylz91S0sV8_4wPYnO2vziWA9JimM5CLwGl1ZQNZeNrxQ_G11NQcPKb_8owKtkuFbVOrG-xzhzftetYFAEjAB6Djr1wJEY/w640-h480/IMG_5892.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGEk5bFAhv-OsZbMMjylxiM0SOWJg-Q5xrgV6zBwZ1h2DXYu4s2ss52GzfFXEEurO24028hcYuXKIACFvk9XMzt1Qyarfip-eYuocEbHHcjKBlSpsfovfXhsHHCPmD1VlB2VcHe5lYHG0_lUGPfiAhuOlZ2xOsXzoPk2GjnTqqTBScbA_mVwV5R9wyJes/s4032/IMG_5886.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGEk5bFAhv-OsZbMMjylxiM0SOWJg-Q5xrgV6zBwZ1h2DXYu4s2ss52GzfFXEEurO24028hcYuXKIACFvk9XMzt1Qyarfip-eYuocEbHHcjKBlSpsfovfXhsHHCPmD1VlB2VcHe5lYHG0_lUGPfiAhuOlZ2xOsXzoPk2GjnTqqTBScbA_mVwV5R9wyJes/w480-h640/IMG_5886.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoza7tiIL_xCmoU5XOVDjhIqN4qleBr3yQ_tkdg3SvjVuh7Nd0rVnq0faQmDuDfAX3_fTX0u5nw5tVNuZCs9ONqqyJtQXlHBcavP7XZwHPvvCKPqpe41QdsOxRCXsqSBsq7UwcwZcWl1Gi-gJboCJ6aPFgLepS4ecfHgslOUtsUinHOyub2q6X5CuMADs/s3837/IMG_5894.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3837" data-original-width="2878" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoza7tiIL_xCmoU5XOVDjhIqN4qleBr3yQ_tkdg3SvjVuh7Nd0rVnq0faQmDuDfAX3_fTX0u5nw5tVNuZCs9ONqqyJtQXlHBcavP7XZwHPvvCKPqpe41QdsOxRCXsqSBsq7UwcwZcWl1Gi-gJboCJ6aPFgLepS4ecfHgslOUtsUinHOyub2q6X5CuMADs/w480-h640/IMG_5894.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPtso4nM41cRJBCgMmqC9DJZYau1XEW-LBHmuTNmaJwSxxDw8hzq6mBWrFqxuvoO48Iq-OZfrCRizCafoReVq5I5VYHfOiycByUnYLPPv3kgqNV7T485kCYczQCQohifuRbcPc5tj9ZT42Kndf5re7_x7QpD8RhMbEMkwtgg-USGG_6Dr8HQa-z7HxtZQ/s4032/IMG_5897.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPtso4nM41cRJBCgMmqC9DJZYau1XEW-LBHmuTNmaJwSxxDw8hzq6mBWrFqxuvoO48Iq-OZfrCRizCafoReVq5I5VYHfOiycByUnYLPPv3kgqNV7T485kCYczQCQohifuRbcPc5tj9ZT42Kndf5re7_x7QpD8RhMbEMkwtgg-USGG_6Dr8HQa-z7HxtZQ/w640-h480/IMG_5897.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">The farm in it's "hay" day</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtz2w8dbRFRDu3AEDX7jLytL2ac-_-EueLZAxib5u1KcKZuV9lLxGaSrCN_Zyo38BpV8NkmTOHNjtJbwKSKD66PhZ5azKXAY8CD-JKFL5aKpnU_7DCQspKv78Nrp_GXcjRhTCclUnGheuBP_dVQJnkgKKn70A4TBspxZJ2tdPTaOrca-tBqQOT9nXmBN0/s4032/IMG_5898.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtz2w8dbRFRDu3AEDX7jLytL2ac-_-EueLZAxib5u1KcKZuV9lLxGaSrCN_Zyo38BpV8NkmTOHNjtJbwKSKD66PhZ5azKXAY8CD-JKFL5aKpnU_7DCQspKv78Nrp_GXcjRhTCclUnGheuBP_dVQJnkgKKn70A4TBspxZJ2tdPTaOrca-tBqQOT9nXmBN0/w480-h640/IMG_5898.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge8rCubiVUgDP2raCvsf0cB5EcLJaBMKz5EzTAhY2JASZiVMG4w_3CT1T3w6mih1cKYVMMaeloZqKbBjsnEZLJJqMifDG9oF1poxPCsL54uabQAIiwvcR0DGXdhPtpVaN_FUOdlJMGS-ZcEMbTaI0L6smwIj73PWE-KFDaNEFqiKP7j5XCFo2cUj8QNtU/s5184/IMG_0576.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="5184" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge8rCubiVUgDP2raCvsf0cB5EcLJaBMKz5EzTAhY2JASZiVMG4w_3CT1T3w6mih1cKYVMMaeloZqKbBjsnEZLJJqMifDG9oF1poxPCsL54uabQAIiwvcR0DGXdhPtpVaN_FUOdlJMGS-ZcEMbTaI0L6smwIj73PWE-KFDaNEFqiKP7j5XCFo2cUj8QNtU/w640-h426/IMG_0576.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXTvtOBtIUQu8KyH_Xv97YGJua4ybXJdfZ4jnFosPTPt-ysI6Sxfl93dFm3vFYAoKkaCUmD1IKQVmBqOyfLDDh5JD0-FwM8peK5421PJZEj2YDUL7_3SUWOMtGIQykBTBt-HMwdSKRCTLBBe-nfcUffWayGF1Ays8OCIh0BJ2juLQ7DQz-CY_nvPYuhIk/s3504/1_401.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3504" data-original-width="2336" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXTvtOBtIUQu8KyH_Xv97YGJua4ybXJdfZ4jnFosPTPt-ysI6Sxfl93dFm3vFYAoKkaCUmD1IKQVmBqOyfLDDh5JD0-FwM8peK5421PJZEj2YDUL7_3SUWOMtGIQykBTBt-HMwdSKRCTLBBe-nfcUffWayGF1Ays8OCIh0BJ2juLQ7DQz-CY_nvPYuhIk/w426-h640/1_401.jpg" width="426" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Our wedding 2007</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYexMF6OtedVKjzQiOH6leD1sbOfIVFZDtHLmsHpmHcaw2pyp1VeCEJF_taQmoINJ8SCVL8VYaiHHGMtBDWURIJCR6GbQKUdwM1CpeZ6X5ZAClT1K1cy6dW_mwuOXBCQks208__ypkeUApAteFusDtU-ix6yf93copsmF1PK9lfNLhg0IXjzlx_zljzuk/s3504/1_388.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3504" data-original-width="2336" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYexMF6OtedVKjzQiOH6leD1sbOfIVFZDtHLmsHpmHcaw2pyp1VeCEJF_taQmoINJ8SCVL8VYaiHHGMtBDWURIJCR6GbQKUdwM1CpeZ6X5ZAClT1K1cy6dW_mwuOXBCQks208__ypkeUApAteFusDtU-ix6yf93copsmF1PK9lfNLhg0IXjzlx_zljzuk/w426-h640/1_388.JPG" width="426" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkib_fV2E5sGfueQPSP0i4SIM-Rp0nNlV9ndp0Qbk1I8QRymEjr_bmCmlyWV8VDdyvtGJHy_4ftheQ8sx2ZFCK2S-Cp7pXTFA84ypaysZAeXBnZgJBrqANbxmNz4F-CLgMS4lRj1WSsHmg_NYcLZmQOPvZBU6kY-ab-1CXQqbzWhbOB1s5Ou6PC_CHYIk/s4032/IMG_4078.heic"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkib_fV2E5sGfueQPSP0i4SIM-Rp0nNlV9ndp0Qbk1I8QRymEjr_bmCmlyWV8VDdyvtGJHy_4ftheQ8sx2ZFCK2S-Cp7pXTFA84ypaysZAeXBnZgJBrqANbxmNz4F-CLgMS4lRj1WSsHmg_NYcLZmQOPvZBU6kY-ab-1CXQqbzWhbOB1s5Ou6PC_CHYIk/w480-h640/IMG_4078.heic" width="480" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">What's left of the Grey Barn</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinYflsTIh89rB430YYvV8xF8g0dv18v2GGIs3HULJ7x-5dCrdVWV5x60-M71_N7NxrG1-jKgjX2EQNbJe-hyt466VbbvHEvV6ZprSIqH5tC7SV1q0HzQsr1ouNW3_12lUXxD0RkU5OL0Q3fdinERQa3JkPYryvsyOjGZ7D_o7k8U0cjnTuL958gk9N00k/s4032/IMG_4083.heic"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinYflsTIh89rB430YYvV8xF8g0dv18v2GGIs3HULJ7x-5dCrdVWV5x60-M71_N7NxrG1-jKgjX2EQNbJe-hyt466VbbvHEvV6ZprSIqH5tC7SV1q0HzQsr1ouNW3_12lUXxD0RkU5OL0Q3fdinERQa3JkPYryvsyOjGZ7D_o7k8U0cjnTuL958gk9N00k/w480-h640/IMG_4083.heic" width="480" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">What's left of the shed where Melis and Spence got married</div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzCZdqOjSlCEkdVmd0dTwt8PCtsMu0MvoFmz48l-MbIdYq9FEElDHokAC6vhmSKE_HXWVfncUQvDvXezy9a8ZIwTv6DEwNFfhPHfn-TA5j0bLbALBp_nqjyc9mo43_UEkWmgFJSCe9semXt8QLB8yMy5b42LKaWu_ELMKw3iHN01zN-PV_6AYBwbSDVBU/s4032/IMG_4100.heic"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzCZdqOjSlCEkdVmd0dTwt8PCtsMu0MvoFmz48l-MbIdYq9FEElDHokAC6vhmSKE_HXWVfncUQvDvXezy9a8ZIwTv6DEwNFfhPHfn-TA5j0bLbALBp_nqjyc9mo43_UEkWmgFJSCe9semXt8QLB8yMy5b42LKaWu_ELMKw3iHN01zN-PV_6AYBwbSDVBU/w480-h640/IMG_4100.heic" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Grain bin gone</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilKlMICeghcZrKWJateqNj2PMPrv3sWvM9kJ2wlN-W8LIND8ySveSmAAhlntW9_slypRP1sl4jT66LPvlgLD9XizPu1XkzVrHCAYtPP2S7xNmyPG88lcLnNEum_ZgP8ON5rrXfhLiuv2DYt7hGlwuU1dnD3CYpHfMtgOHhmRNaKRegjlKV9_Vk6yEwsp0/s4032/IMG_4113%20(1).heic"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilKlMICeghcZrKWJateqNj2PMPrv3sWvM9kJ2wlN-W8LIND8ySveSmAAhlntW9_slypRP1sl4jT66LPvlgLD9XizPu1XkzVrHCAYtPP2S7xNmyPG88lcLnNEum_ZgP8ON5rrXfhLiuv2DYt7hGlwuU1dnD3CYpHfMtgOHhmRNaKRegjlKV9_Vk6yEwsp0/w480-h640/IMG_4113%20(1).heic" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">View from the front yard where we got married</div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU5Y9OFZdzwgFYSyIxD2oyhxmHtyeTrPv8e3SJTumEiGgrVLIQW8NepcmKcPxEs4gSC2ZwvtKJiso8BdkR2iQ2giqR4e_nLpsGeZH7dCVXrf9dueeFOCtzixUvrlnEu9aYWMUl3xP5ufOI67-lZV82LTuOt8eH5fCK37WjIXWrRFeXY4XhdmW_pBIFNM0/s4032/IMG_4115.heic"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU5Y9OFZdzwgFYSyIxD2oyhxmHtyeTrPv8e3SJTumEiGgrVLIQW8NepcmKcPxEs4gSC2ZwvtKJiso8BdkR2iQ2giqR4e_nLpsGeZH7dCVXrf9dueeFOCtzixUvrlnEu9aYWMUl3xP5ufOI67-lZV82LTuOt8eH5fCK37WjIXWrRFeXY4XhdmW_pBIFNM0/w480-h640/IMG_4115.heic" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Front walk lantern looking old and broken, the house and bathhouse are still standing with some damage and the youngest Frey cousin Shane (the only male cousin to carry on the Frey name) and his wife Suzanne and their three girls will be moving in soon. Full circle. </div><p></p></div>Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-35606087820783893312021-03-26T14:27:00.004-07:002021-03-26T14:33:41.200-07:00SHX<p><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: #666666; color: white; font-size: 17px;">Today is Tony’s last day at Spring Hill. I haven’t known a summer without SpringHill since I was 18... and I am 38. Giving 20 years to a ministry is a mix of blood, sweat, tears and love. Ministries are filled with people, who aren’t perfect, committing to serving One who is. I was blessed to serve alongside some of the greatest imperfect people for many years and I have been blessed to sit on the sidelines for the last 10 as Tony served there and I focussed on our family. It’s been the greatest view. I’ve seen Tony grow into a better leader, a better father, and a better husband. </span></p><p><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: #666666; color: white; font-size: 17px;">No place will ever hold the place of significance in our lives that SpringHill has. It’s where we became followers of Jesus, where we met, where we raised a family, essentially where we grew up. We have loved serving at SpringHill but as with everything, there is a time to move on, to grow and learn new things, chart new paths. </span></p><p><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: #666666; color: white; font-size: 17px;">We are moving on, but we will never stop loving that place, those people. We will send our kids to camp every summer. I will cry every single time we drop them off and every single time we pick them up and they will roll their eyes, but one day I hope they feel the same way about that place as we do. We will continue to support camp because kids really do need camp. But more than camp they need Jesus, and that is what both Tony and myself will walk away with. A faith that was tested and strengthened in a place I will always think of as holy ground. </span></p><p><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: #666666; color: white; font-size: 17px;">He'll quietly slip out today and I think we are both emotional about it. I think I am just so proud of the work he put in every day for 16 years. In a world of constant change, he has been steady, and it's hasn't always been easy, but it's always been rewarding. </span></p><p><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: #666666; color: white; font-size: 17px;">Thank you SpringHill for our "SpringHill experience" and for what you have given us. I hope we left our little mark there too. </span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5x28DjLljLPf4QWQdDGmHFc-fDVtDxEd8_JWtkE-UBPst-l8lwgq6xY6byQjdrmjQUkq23D9alTAeQc_lXsOnzk0izRPUDuA5ldCO4ypKnyzUo99pGf34uWD8NUHFXq1NDOYD4B7D1HE/s2048/IMG_2601.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5x28DjLljLPf4QWQdDGmHFc-fDVtDxEd8_JWtkE-UBPst-l8lwgq6xY6byQjdrmjQUkq23D9alTAeQc_lXsOnzk0izRPUDuA5ldCO4ypKnyzUo99pGf34uWD8NUHFXq1NDOYD4B7D1HE/w400-h300/IMG_2601.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4mykCMMpTYV2kwp0a3eF3DKzWCrG4sQC1yX9HGZ8iOaPogUrlUZJxPlaD7pvy96rq7i228hLsniBHypLN_jq0oIDNpO_LRvFi7835a8S4hihgqDLnnj1pk5VkJZBW0rkjlfBUvj0MERw/s2048/IMG_2589.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; 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text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></div><br /><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;"><br /></span></p>Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-91715833356098666952020-12-29T11:53:00.009-08:002021-01-20T10:23:22.837-08:002021It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything about anything. I only write
when something feels like it can’t be left unsaid. And I only write when I feel
maybe I have something to contribute on the subject. Which isn’t often,
especially in today’s world. Everyone has already said it all. Every opinion has
been given, over and over ad nauseam. This year, of all the things that have happened and changed us, there is one thing I just can't stop thinking about. <div><br /></div><div> We were going to be an interracial family.
We had big plans to make sure we kept our black son connected to his culture and
to his race. We were doing our research, reading the books, taking the classes.
After our adoptions failed, the biggest mistake we made was giving up on that.
Just because we weren’t going to be an interracial family anymore, didn’t mean
we should stop educating ourselves, and our kids. We, as a white family, found
it easy to ignore things that didn't affect our daily lives. I guess in my
subconscious I thought, I’m not going to have a black son so I no longer will be
affected by racial issues. I am embarrassed to say that. If that isn't white
privilege... </div><div><br /></div><div> I am grateful for people in my life that gently (or not so gently)
corrected me, and held me to a higher standard. </div><div><br /></div><div> I went back to reading
everything I could find on the subject of racial inequality and injustice in
America. A few years ago, I read Just Mercy, and it threw me off course, in a
good way. I was waking up to things I just. didn’t. know. </div><div><br /></div><div> We (a lot of white Americans) have a
past we are unwilling to confront. We are unwilling to see how it courses through the veins of this country now. I’ve always loved different aspects of
black culture and art. I loved learning about Langston Hughes, Rosa Parks and
Martin Luther King Jr. in school. Unfortunately, in my formal education, that
was the extent of the black people I heard about. I listened to Stevie wonder,
Marvin Gaye, Bill Withers, Common, Lauryn Hill, Alicia Keys, and India.Arie. My
favorites shows were the Fresh Prince and the Cosby show.
Being black in America
seemed glamorous and cool. I wanted to be a part of that culture. I was unaware
of the hidden sin of racism that still ran deep in America and the part I was
playing in it. Consuming the culture but not understanding it. Perpetuating
stereotypes and racism in my own life all the while thinking racism only existed
in smaller doses present day. That racism was "back then". </div><div><br /></div><div> We recently returned
home from a road trip thru the south. It was eye opening to see all the
confederate flags and pass by monuments still erected to honor confederate
generals/soldiers. Some see it as pride in our country, unwilling to see the
generational sin of racism. We still leave out large parts of history in our
textbooks. We still ignore voices of people who feel the long-term effects of
racism in our country. </div><div><br /></div><div>We stopped in Montgomery Alabama at the National Memorial
for Peace and Justice on our way home. The fact that’s it’s the first memorial
erected for lynching and racial brutality in America is mind blowing. It was
like visiting a holocaust museum. It was haunting and I can’t shake the feeling
I had there. How could this have happened? And why aren’t there more memorials
and museums all over the United States honoring the victims of lynching and
Civil Rights heroes? It actually felt like more than a memorial to me. I felt
like it was a call to action. And by the way, I was curious to know how many states have memorials for the holocaust and it's 29. Which is important. But where are the memorials for the brutality that happened on our shores? </div><div><br /></div><div> Outside the memorial is monument park, which holds
duplicate monuments for the counties represented inside the memorial. They are
waiting to be claimed by the counties and erected in them to recognize their
past of racial terror. But there they lay, unclaimed. </div><div><br /></div><div>We have to look back to
look forward. We have to. No one can heal from a wound they are unwilling to
address and dress. We need to acknowledge the wounds of our black and brown
brothers and sisters. Then we need to, together, dress those wounds. (Not negating that some wounds will forever be scars and there is nothing we can do to erase a scar). It was
sobering watching my son read every plaque and take in why each of these people
were lynched. Some for things as simple as getting a drink of water or looking
at a white woman. I feel like I have failed my kids by not talking about race in
our everyday. </div><div><br /></div><div> So what do I have to say that even matters on the subject? Just
that I see you, I hear you, I’m listening. I’m learning. I’m repenting. I’m
trying to do better, to be better. I’m asking myself and others hard questions.
We are talking to our kids. I am willing to speak on it, not thinking my voice
matters on the subject, but knowing if I don't speak from the promptings of my
heart and stay silent, I can never be cleansed from the sin of racism. I
acknowledge my part in it. </div><div><br /></div><div>I believe that the only thing that can atone for this country's (and our own) sins is the blood of Christ. The only true unity we can find is in Him. Not in the leaders of our churches, or the leaders of this country. When we start to put more faith in our leaders than the faith we have in God that is a dangerous downward spiral. I won't worship our leaders. They can't save us from ourselves. Only God can do that. </div><div><br /></div><div>Turning a new page in 2021. My eyes will be more open, my voice will be a little louder for what matters, and a little quieter for what doesn't. </div><div><br /></div><div> <i>"Continued support for white supremacy and racial
hierarchy meant that slavery in America did not end- it evolved."</i> <b>Bryan
Stevenson</b> </div><div><br /></div><div><i> "The way to right wrongs is to turn the light of truth upon them."</i> <b>Ida
B. Wells</b> </div><div><br /></div><div> <i>"True peace is not merely the absence of tension, it's the presence of
justice"</i> <b>Martin Luther King Jr.</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><i>"When day comes we step out of the shade aflame and unafraid the new dawn blooms as we free it, for there is always light if only we're brave enough to see it, if only we're brave enough to be it."</i> <b>Amanda Gorman National Youth Poet Laureate</b></div><div><br /></div><div> If you find yourself in Montgomery Alabama, the
epicenter of the Civil Rights movement, please stop at the Memorial for Peace
and Justice. It will change you.</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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</div>Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-9390465574540168032019-07-26T18:52:00.000-07:002019-07-26T18:52:29.231-07:00Marti<div class="m_7544374447161220018p1" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";">"She was a light." That’s what everyone at the funeral kept saying, I heard it over and over. I barely ever listen to the radio with three kids in the back but I had rare time in the car with just me and my thoughts on the way to and from the funeral. On both drives a song played that said all the things. This song and her funeral service reminded me just <i>who</i> we should be living for.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZzdfWT00oJNIOdkOTBml2Xe_OLdD-DcFLhM67b454oZ1L3e76E-h39SON0ZRzSVaqAJhdpMTBgzRP93K5edO7db60pQjJwTPbiOoQVp3dKfON0i3UaMs8SMTxF5oQbCFcYCvaMAb3c-0/s1600/IMG_3841+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1006" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZzdfWT00oJNIOdkOTBml2Xe_OLdD-DcFLhM67b454oZ1L3e76E-h39SON0ZRzSVaqAJhdpMTBgzRP93K5edO7db60pQjJwTPbiOoQVp3dKfON0i3UaMs8SMTxF5oQbCFcYCvaMAb3c-0/s320/IMG_3841+%25281%2529.jpg" width="250" /></a><span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>Do you feel the world is broken? (We do)</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>Do you feel the shadows deepen? (We do)</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>But do you know that all the dark won't stop the light from getting through? (We do)</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>Do you wish that you could see it all made new? (We do)</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>Is all creation groaning? (It is)</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>Is a new creation coming? (It is)</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>Is the glory of the Lord to be the light within our midst? (It is)</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>Is it good that we remind ourselves of this? (It is)</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>Is anyone worthy? Is anyone whole?</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>Is anyone able to break the seal and open the scroll?</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>The Lion of Judah who conquered the grave</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>He is David's root and the Lamb who died to ransom the slave</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>Is He worthy? Is He worthy</i></span></div>
<div class="m_7544374447161220018p1" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>Of all blessing and honor and glory?</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>Is He worthy of this?</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>He is</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><i>-Chris Tomlin</i></span></div>
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<span class="m_7544374447161220018s1" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"><br />She was a second mom to me and she is interwoven into my childhood memories so tightly that I don’t remember a time before her. Her daughter was my very first friend in life. She was my mom's dear friend and I can hear them laugh and laugh and laugh (at our expense? probably.) Now I am a mom and have mom friends and I understand their bond more than ever. You literally can’t survive motherhood without your mom friends. We loved her but her family was her world and we all watched them love each other fiercely and we admired the way they supported each other. <span class="m_7544374447161220018Apple-converted-space"> </span>And we are so heartbroken for them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText";">I headed up to camp to pick up Max today and returned with a carload of kids. </span><span class="m_7544374447161220018Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"> </span><span style="font-family: ".SFUIText";">I remembered those drives as a kid headed up to camp with Marti, Beth and my mom and I smiled, and shed a few tears, but ultimately I was thankful for the blessing of Marti and that she knew it was an important part of our faith journey to take us to camp every year. She knew probably better than all of us,</span><span style="font-family: ".SFUIText";"> what it meant to be excited about her faith. She was excited for heaven and lived her life in anticipation of it. May we all live this way. May we live a life worthy of the one who is worthy of it all. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr9gRE9tx9gY-HC8TMMjhUMa0UsPzY8vZXv4URLXkY22jN4eXbfwFsAjzX23tLXs6BgXzvd4J84HdlsxwHQqCsa5j8JpWODbwa6tQN8rw89UPxAj5IoB49x7Rt2u6AH9ottv24tW_f7W4/s1600/IMG_3850.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: ".SFUIText";">I will remember her best the way I saw her last...sitting with my mom at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and talking about life. Asking me about mine. That moment will remind me how we will always talk about our lives but we never really know how much of them we will get to live. So I am grateful to her for reminding me to live mine full and be grateful for it. </span></a></div>
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Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-17548553195656646512018-05-03T10:53:00.002-07:002018-05-03T10:53:44.525-07:00Jeremiah's Heart<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
The agency called on a Wednesday morning. I knew as soon as I saw the caller ID, but I pushed away the feeling and answered the phone hoping for the best. “Hi How are you?” Doing ok you? "Well…." and then the news. I already knew it was coming. The day before I got to googling oygen levels and knew his were dangerously low. That morning before the phonecall I had this feeling he was gone. He’d had more viral infections in his few months of life than I'd had my entire life. There’s only so much a little heart with two holes can sustain. We were waiting for a doctors letter from a doctor in Africa that stated he could not have the surgery there and needed to have it in another country, the lawyer thought that was our best piece of We finally got that letter but it was the day before I got the call Jeremiah had passed away. There are times I wonder if things had moved faster, if he would be alive and had a chance. I wonder why God didn’t use this to redeem OUR STORY. Then I remember that’s it’s not about our story. It’s about HIS story. In my small mind, I believed this was a perfect opportunity for God to show that he blesses the faithful, that he rewards those of us that say YES to what He calls us to do. That he lifts up those who mourn by giving them what they want…um no. By the way, I am done trying to figure out how God works. I am in the business of blind trust now. Want us to adopt again? Ok Lord where to next? Want me to jump off this cliff without looking down first? Ok 1, 2, 333333333!!!! What He has taught me the most through this entire journey to adopt is that I have NO control over the outcome. The only thing I can control is my response when he asks. The outcomes have been unfavorable more than once and I came out the other side stronger and with a better sense of who HE is. So if that’s my reward then sign me up for the next heartache. I wouldn’t KNOW him truly and deeply the way that I do if things had gone my way…if I hadn’t had to get on my knees and cry out to him. </div>
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The thing that remains the biggest mystery to me about this life is the mingling of joy and pain that can happen without warning. In one second I can be tickling my two year old and feel the gift she is and in the next second I am feeling the excruciating loss of another child. I know God has given us good gifts and I know he has taken some of the things we wanted most...but He has replaced what He has taken with peace. And I truly believe that this pain has been met with a deeper understanding of who He is. And I would not KNOW Him if I hadn't been through this hell the last 8 years. I know His heart for the orphan ...I thought I knew it before but now that I have lost two, I really know it. I know the cries of the motherless and they are louder than they have ever been and it's like I can't turn down the volume. If we don't care for these, who will? There are a million more like Jeremiah and Moses...who just needed a piece of paper to have a chance....just need one person's heart to be stirred enough to make a difference in their life. We said yes to Jeremiah and honestly, it was the hardest yes we have ever said. Because we knew the risk. But we said it, crazy as we must look to the outside world. We knew it was crazy but as a friend pointed out to me, the disciples dropped their nets and followed a guy that must've seemed crazy and was asking them to do crazy things. And they followed Him to the cross and must've though...this is not what we signed up for, the one we followed is dead. They had no idea what God was doing behind the scenes. I've learned more in saying yes to two little boys, than I have in anything else I have ever done in my life. </div>
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So now what? Well, the answer is, we don't know. We still feel strongly that God has called us to adopt and we don't want to give up. But we need to take some time and evaluate our next move. We still have funds to adopt. Or to bless another family that is adopting. We are just waiting. We are good at that. Thanks for your prayers as we jumped into this adoption and we covet them as we grieve this little boy that we thought would be in our lives. We have peace knowing he is in the arms of his creator and no longer suffering, but our heart breaks for what could've been here on earth. </div>
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Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-21982607902451349202018-03-14T11:02:00.000-07:002018-03-14T11:02:43.238-07:00Jeremiah Update<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Just wanted to give everyone that has been asking about Jeremiah a quick update. All our paperwork has been filed and now we wait and pray. Something we have become very good at in the last four years. We know how to wait. We know how to pray. We will be looking into options for surgery, we are hoping he can come here for surgery, obviously, but if things are held up in court we may send him to a country for the operation. He is eating well which is a great thing! We were graciously given a matching grant through Lifesong and Crossroads Bible Church of 5,000! So if we match that, that's another 10,000 raised! We have matched 3296.38 of the 5,000! Only 1703.62 to go to match it!! So far we have raised every penny that we have needed. Praise the Lord. We are so blessed to be in a community of people that are so generous with their resources. I feel like I sound like a broken record...butI literally can't say it enough. THANK YOU! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">If you still want to help us reach our matching grant here's the info:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Send a check to:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Lifesong for orphans</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">po box 40</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Gridley, IL 61477</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">with "Schmid 7580" in the memo</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">or if you want to do it online, you can go to <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=http://www.lifesong.org/donate/family&source=gmail&ust=1521136616040000&usg=AFQjCNFxFNhB2aIPuKz0cYxp3XL8Wuvl3w" href="http://www.lifesong.org/donate/family" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">www.lifesong.org/donate/family</a><wbr></wbr> and fill out a form with our name - Schmid and our number - 7580</span></div>
Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-30433116435905815812018-03-05T06:08:00.000-08:002018-03-05T06:11:56.474-08:00Puzzle Party 5 (Final Total!)Hey Everybody,<br />
Can I first just say, WOW! We were totaling blown away by the amount raised with our fundraiser. We were thinking we were going to have to do a bunch of fundraisers but we raised most of what we needed with this one! Thank you thank you thank you! The total ended up being close to 12,000! The Facebook live put us over the top so thank you to everyone that watched and donated while we were live! Here is a list of the people that put us over the top! If I missed you, let me know so I can make sure I have thanked you, and that it actually went through!<br />
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Steph Hill- Kennedy<o:p></o:p></div>
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Rosa Chapple<o:p></o:p></div>
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Melee Moore<o:p></o:p></div>
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Jon and Julienne Brock<o:p></o:p></div>
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Nick and Kelsea Karelse<o:p></o:p></div>
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Dave and Patti Parnin<o:p></o:p></div>
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Bri Keebler<o:p></o:p></div>
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Jeff Olivero<o:p></o:p></div>
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April and Josh Olson<o:p></o:p></div>
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Amanda and Miles Alters<o:p></o:p></div>
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Michaeleen Rood<o:p></o:p></div>
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Lindsey and Dave Lassanske <o:p></o:p></div>
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Heather and Chris Woy<o:p></o:p></div>
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Amy and John Wanty</div>
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Ron Frey<o:p></o:p></div>
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Whittums <o:p></o:p></div>
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Melis and Spencer Blanchard<o:p></o:p></div>
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Vanwinkles <o:p></o:p></div>
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Lyzengas <o:p></o:p></div>
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Watershed Church <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Many of you have still expressed you would like to buy a puzzle piece and there is still a great way to do that! We now are trying to match a grant our church and lifesong is funding for us. They have agreed to match 5,000! And we are already over halfway to that! So the best way to support to adoption at this point is to send donations directly to lifesong. Here are the two ways you can do this: </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12.800000190734863px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You can either mail a check to :</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Lifesong for orphans</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Gridley, IL 61477</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">with "Schmid 7580" in the memo</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">or if you want to do it online, you can go to <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=http://www.lifesong.org/donate/family&source=gmail&ust=1520345115688000&usg=AFQjCNGZRS8FNiabKnTKKQ7xZ9WhI2VC_w" href="http://www.lifesong.org/donate/family" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">www.lifesong.org/donate/family</a><wbr></wbr> and I think they make you fill out a form and put our name: "Schmid" and our number "7580" </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Once we match that grant we will have another 10,000 raised! Thanks everyone for the overwhelming support! We love you all!</span></div>
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Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-1223584266948002502018-02-19T16:48:00.000-08:002018-02-19T16:48:04.096-08:00Puzzle Party 4Tomorrow is the last day of our puzzle fundraiser and we are at 8,000!!! 2,000 to go to our 10,000 goal! We have been so blown away by your generosity. Every piece of this puzzle we have prayed over and thanked God for the role you are playing in our lives. Here is the latest list of donors:<br />
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Ryan Klackle<o:p></o:p></div>
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Lisa Grady<o:p></o:p></div>
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Haley and Austin Stone<o:p></o:p></div>
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Ardy Frey<o:p></o:p></div>
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Kris and Joel Hamilton<o:p></o:p></div>
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Ruth and David Gerali<o:p></o:p></div>
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Dick and Jane Hill <o:p></o:p></div>
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Ben and Jes Lyzenga<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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The Roots <o:p></o:p></div>
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Emily and Ben Lundquist<o:p></o:p></div>
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Lindsey and Dave Lassanske<o:p></o:p></div>
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Chris and Beth Howard<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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And to prove we actually have the puzzle and are writing each and every one of your names on it here is a pic!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSU9tpEYIGFDgI0GkCsINDP6x6xL0SbPDrVqbqtDzYmS-ROlvYhhipGV34S8TkyxV2WWX6bMaxsp8lNtiF00aj5vOLzkWlR4hAGoU_iMgIek8s_NEBfHV6Yd3MO-UcNgWn6_u2qzBWWbY/s1600/IMG-8197.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSU9tpEYIGFDgI0GkCsINDP6x6xL0SbPDrVqbqtDzYmS-ROlvYhhipGV34S8TkyxV2WWX6bMaxsp8lNtiF00aj5vOLzkWlR4hAGoU_iMgIek8s_NEBfHV6Yd3MO-UcNgWn6_u2qzBWWbY/s640/IMG-8197.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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Tomorrow night we will go FACEBOOK LIVE in the Schmid house as the minutes tick down to the end of our fundraiser. We hope to make our goal by tomorrow night! To thank you all and to spread the word we will be going live...not sure I even know how to do that but I will figure it out by tomorrow ha! Tune in to Tony or I's Facebook page at 8:00pm tomorrow night! </div>
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<br /></div>
Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-69316108142007521812018-02-15T18:58:00.001-08:002018-02-15T18:59:32.589-08:00Puzzle Party 3Woah. It's happening! We are inching closer and closer to our goal of 10,000! Baby Jeremiah is doing well, we will continue to keep you all updated as we hear more news. We received the puzzle in the mail today so in the next few days I will start to post some pics of it and your lovely names that we will be writing on each piece. Here are the latest names to be added:<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nate and Jenny Parsons <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Karen and Jay Nalker<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mark and Julee Wilke<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Katie Barnes<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jeff Barnes<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Katie Howard<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nicole Lator <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mimi Ponce<o:p></o:p></div>
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Kristi Conover<o:p></o:p></div>
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Kirsten and Bob Brown<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Beth and Brenden Bolhuis<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cindy and Tyler Smies<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brad and Elle Sterkenburg<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kritsen and Ric Cnossen<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Michael Forbes<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jaylee Hawkins<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alexis Race<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ayreaunna Forbes<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mark Forbes<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Chris and Holly Dumond<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mike and Barb Dempsey<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eileen Zilch <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pam Otten and Steve Geise <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ryan and Lacie Myszak <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sara and Dave VanWinkle<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Michelli’s <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Heather Judy<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ryan Simpson<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jon and Emily Saxe<br />
Ritcheskis </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
Thank you everybody...feeling overwhelmed and so supported. We were honestly nervous to do this so publicly again after the way things ended with Moses. But you guys make us feel like we are prayed and cared for in this new journey and that we are not alone in this. This little boy is so loved and prayed for already.<br />
<br />
The grand total today is : 6840! What? That's right, we are almost to 7,000! A little over 3,000 to meet our goal and we still have 4 days to do it! I was thinking maybe the Schmid's would go "Facebook live" on the last day (the 20th) to thank you and finish out this amazing fundraiser. (I mean the Schmid's don't even really know <i>how </i>to go Facebook live so this is a big deal people). Thanks for the love! We love you!<br />
<br />Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-65941818966646642462018-02-11T13:20:00.000-08:002018-02-11T13:40:25.313-08:00Puzzle Party 2Hey everyone, we are cruising along in our fundraising efforts and we are so blessed by how many of you have reached out to us and said you are supporting us and praying for us. I will be honest, I am terrified some days, but have to remind myself FAITH not FEAR. And it's hard to let the fear overtake me when we have so many people praying for us and rooting us on. Here's the fundraising update from the puzzle pieces:<br />
<br />
Day 5 we have raised 4,600 of 10,000! Almost halfway there! And still 9 days to go! So we are ahead of schedule and feeling great! (blessed)<br />
<br />
Thanks to our newest donors:<br />
<br />
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The Wiseman Family<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jackie and Andrew Stone<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jay and Liz Taylor<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Catherine Horton<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cody Delonge<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Amanda Wolf<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Carmen Dieppa<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Green Team</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Andrea Misch</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lindsey Fisher<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Susan Souza<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jenny Bander<o:p></o:p></div>
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Molly Ladhof<o:p></o:p></div>
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Josh and April Olson<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alex Cummings<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ann and Tom Fernholz<o:p></o:p></div>
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Matthew Weigmann<o:p></o:p></div>
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Heather Perry<o:p></o:p></div>
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Ben and Annie Wilke<o:p></o:p></div>
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Jake and Micaela McCarthy<o:p></o:p></div>
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Tracy Maher<o:p></o:p></div>
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Casey Ballard<o:p></o:p></div>
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Sheri Hadfield<o:p></o:p></div>
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Sarah Calvo<o:p></o:p></div>
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Sue Boike<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Nikki Horchner <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Stephanie Soyars<o:p></o:p><br />
Stu and Marlys Borstad<br />
Lloyd and Thelma Frey</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We will add your names to the puzzle! Once we get the puzzle in the mail I will upload pics so you can all see.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you still want your name added to the puzzle click the "donate" link on the right side of the blog or email me if you want our address. Jgracephoto@gmail.com </div>
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<br /></div>
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Thanks Village!</div>
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<br />Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-44977258284583428332018-02-07T17:27:00.002-08:002018-02-07T17:50:45.205-08:00Puzzle Party!So we have been totaling overwhelmed by the donations rolling in, and we smile every time we see one of your names pop up in our emails. The image we chose to use for the puzzle:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhouwR6EMJp1VxpJul7m1XuXeKGFm02QPwKBiQj7xkY2oj3rmWb6w7NCP6LKuLqMy5qK99aQDKohlu0kCatCwsdPGibarcKYLAQOPEGfWNeOT9owSlHkTrelieRHn7hEoWuayl6NP1jpWA/s1600/IMG_8097.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="900" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhouwR6EMJp1VxpJul7m1XuXeKGFm02QPwKBiQj7xkY2oj3rmWb6w7NCP6LKuLqMy5qK99aQDKohlu0kCatCwsdPGibarcKYLAQOPEGfWNeOT9owSlHkTrelieRHn7hEoWuayl6NP1jpWA/s640/IMG_8097.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
We chose this for a couple reasons. Obviously this verse has meant a lot to us as we held onto hope. Jeremiah is one of my favorite books of the bible. I feel like several times in my life God has spoken to me through Jeremiah. Also, our little guy's given name is Jeremiah!<br />
<br />
Day one of our puzzle fundraiser was a huge success. We are at about 2,955! 7,045 more to go! A huge thanks to our donors so far. We know it's not always easy to give but we could not be more grateful that you did! We wanted to thank each of you by name...<br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Nick and Rachel Wolverton</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Butz Family</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Nicole Lator</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Kari Hibbard</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Hannah Harriman</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Cecil</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Missy Beggs</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Danae Burghgraef </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Lanae Haessig</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Laura Eich </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Brooke Miller</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Megan Michelli </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Steph Hegle</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Lindsey Mains</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Sue Hurley</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Keith and Kristen Rudge </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Erin Hildebrand</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Allison Mender</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Stephanie Soerens</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Benjamin Kladder</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Amanda Wolf</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Jake and Suzanne Vankersen </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Danae Burghgraef </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Lanae Haessig </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Mitch Jager</span><br />
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">Nate and Abby Netti</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">We love you guys! If you still want to be a part of the puzzle click the "donate" button on the right column of the blog. I will keep you all updated so you can see the big things God is doing. Stay tuned!</span></div>
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Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-23379441598302574192018-02-03T12:05:00.000-08:002018-02-03T12:05:02.385-08:00The letter.<div class="MsoNormal">
I wanted to share with you all the letter I wrote Moses. This is a bittersweet ending, but looking forward to how God will redeem it.</div>
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My sweet boy-<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never wanted to
write you this letter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never wanted
things this way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’m learning that
what I want is not always in God’s plan and although this hurts the most, you
are exactly where God wants you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t
remember me now but part of me/if not most of me will always be your mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though I will not raise you, you are known
and loved by me…always.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is my
goodbye letter for now, this is me letting go of my dream and praying
desperately that you get yours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray
you will always feel like you belong, that you feel loved and safe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That you can become the man I know you can
be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That you will love the One who
created you and you will somehow know me too, because you called me mama once
and clung to me as one clings to their protector.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder if you feel your dad and brother
pray for you each night or if you will reach out your arms for me ever again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You would’ve had a little sister that just
learned to say your name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I imagine
you running barefoot, your face warm in the sun and I hear a distant echo of a
giggle that once rang close to my ear and I smile…and sometimes I let the tears
burn behind my eyes and sometimes I let them roll out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because whenever I think of you there is both
beauty and brokenness…pure joy and devastating loss and I carry that…everyday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I can’t let go of you but I feel like if
I don’t say goodbye now, I never will and I need to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So grow strong and proud and brave son until
we meet again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Goodbye my sweet boy.
Mommy loves you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also, our Lifesong account is temporarily closed while we apply for our church grant so if you want to donate to this new adoption you can still do so with the PayPal link that says "donate" on the right sidebar. We have already raised $700. Only 19,300 to go! </div>
Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-33305968354440870812018-01-30T11:29:00.000-08:002018-02-03T10:38:16.059-08:00The after.<div class="MsoNormal">
When you hold onto something for so long as hard as I had, you
have to will yourself (or be willed by something externally) to let it go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then this amazing thing can happen…when you
open your hands, release that strong grip…you look down and your hands are
filled with something new, something you never would have picked up on your own
because your hands were too full.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
fear was, for so long, that I would let go and my hands would be empty. And the
pain of those empty hands kept the healing at bay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After the adoption was officially over I had a hard time
letting go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was openly grieving and
trying the best I could to heal through forgiveness and the steady flow of
tears. Someone said recently, if you are crying you are healing…so I must
be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew I was starting to move on
with my life, but there was never much time (with two little kids) to be quiet
and hear from God on exactly how I was to move on. I had experienced my first
great loss in this life and I was still in it, unable to see the big picture…the
redemption of the story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The After. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wasn’t sure how to let go…not in a way that would open my
heart to another child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tony and I would
talk about all the possibilities. Africa was still on our hearts…which was
baffling to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Were we nuts? We didn’t
know why this wouldn’t go away, in fact, we wished it would.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had signed up for an adoption retreat with some moms at my
church months ago and as the date neared, my anxiety heightened. I didn’t want
to go. I was back to “normal” busying myself with kids and life and I knew
this retreat would just re-open a wound I didn’t want to re-open.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I almost didn’t go. But as with most things
in my life, the more anxiety I have about them, the more valuable the
outcome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew God wanted to work in my
heart in a place I could quiet the noise and hear Him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The first night I met a woman who was another DRC mom. (The
only one there that had been through a DRC adoption) Their timeline was very
similar to ours. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her little boy was the
same age as Moses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They met him when he
was a little over a year in the fall of 2014 (we went in August).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so encouraged by her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had been through what I had been through
and although her outcome was different than ours (they were able to bring their
sweet one home) it was so refreshing to be able to talk to someone who just
knew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She understood my loss and we
bonded through our shared pain…and I have a feeling we will be longtime
friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tony always talks about the
comraderie soldiers have…going to war with your brothers and they have your
back and you go through so much together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s how I feel about my other DRC moms…we went to war together. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We fought so long and hard for our kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The retreat turned into much more than I anticpated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sitting in the first session Friday night it
was maybe the first time my mind was quiet and empty and free from the
static.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I heard a voice audibly say “It’s
time to say goodbye to him” and in the next moment I heard “Write him a letter
and let him go, and be free” I was like, “woah, heavy.” But then I couldn’t
wait to do it. When I had a break the next day I wrote him a letter through
tears (of loss mingled with hope and joy for the first time).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>After I finished I felt like a weight was lifted…I felt
free. I will always love him and grieve
not being able to mother him, but I feel free to step into the “after” the
redemption, the rest of the story…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Being in it, I didn’t have a clear view
yet of what God was doing or what he COULD do…I had lost my hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My dreams were going to have to change shape
and morph into something else…something new and unexpected.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I saw another old dear friend of mine at the retreat and she
gave me the words “severe mercy” It’s the severity of the pain with the mercy
of the “after”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am ready to run with
open arms into the after.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His mercies
are new everyday am I right? At the end of the weekend they encouraged us to leave
something there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something that was
weighing us down or keeping us from moving forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They gave us each a little piece of wood to
write on the thing we wanted to leave. I wrote one word “Moses” It was time to
say goodbye. To leave him at the alter…knowing the alter is the only/best place
to leave him…right at the feet of Jesus.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I did it. I left him there and walked away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said goodbye for the last time to my sweet
boy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And for the first time in a long
time I had hope for the future.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The day after the retreat I was having some quiet time while
Lucy napped and I got a text from the DRC mom from the retreat…who just happens to work with our
new agency.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were looking for a
family that was far enough along in the process to be able to move quickly on a
little boy (about 9 weeks old) from Africa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He is in need of heart surgery and this would be a very high risk
adoption.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said she hesitated to
bring it to us after knowing all we had been through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked a bunch of questions and told her I
would talk to my husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Honestly when
I brought it up to Tony I thought he would laugh (just at the idea of us doing
this again) and then we would pray that God found this little boy the right
home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s what I was kind of hoping
for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But Tony did not react that way at
all…and now after much prayer, not that much time and a couple “are we freaking
nuts?”, we have decided to go down this road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We are obviously terrified and we know more than anyone how this could
end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what if it ends another
way?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if this is the after?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if we are the right family for this
sweet little boy, who at the moment, has no one?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I won’t get to ahead of myself because I know
how I can do that…you all know me…it’s like I fall in love quick, so I am
cautiously stepping into this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The logisitics are nuts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We have to pay for an adoption that we have no money for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We poured everything we had into the last one
and now we are depleted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So there are
already funds due and we are praying that our people will rally around us (even
though you all may think we are nuts too) Our agency asked if they thought we
could raise the funds in time…and we have no idea…and honestly we are freaked
out by the amounts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But we have decided
to approach this adoption in faith not in fear…the worst scenario has happened
to us already and we made it out on the other side and I wouldn’t change a
second of it because it has taught us so much about our need for God and it has
brought us closer as a family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
So, that being said, we are about to battle for this little
boy friends, will you battle with us? Will you pray for us?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will you help support us?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(the asking is humbling and HARD you guys)
Both Tony and I wish we could do this whole process in private or just asking
for prayers until he is home but the truth is we can’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We didn’t have time to save for this one and
we are humbly asking for our team to come through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can’t wait for the day when we don’t have
to ask anymore and we can start giving and blessing others in their own
adoptions, missions trips, endeavors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This little guy needs us village.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He needs surgery and he needs us to step up in a big way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We love our people and if all you can do is
pray, we get that cuz we broke too! And we need those prayers. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We also need about 20,000 more dollars...so yeah there's that. Uh, and we need it soon. So if you feel led to join us on this crazy adventure...there's a couple ways to do it:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1) Keep an eye out for any fundraisers we may be doing </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2) Donate now! You can donate on our PayPal in the sidebar at the right or for a tax deductible donation you can send a donation to Lifesongfororphans.org go to "give to an adoptive family" type in number 4361 and name Schmid. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3) keep following on facebook/my blog for more updates. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here we go again...</div>
Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-91697915105504903382017-12-12T12:02:00.002-08:002017-12-12T12:33:22.682-08:00being thankful when we're not thankful<div class="MsoNormal">
What do you say to God when you can’t give thanks anymore?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are not thankful for the place He has brought
you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I have been asking these questions. </span> I have realized
that having grief because I lost someone doesn’t mean I am not thankful for
what I do have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It just means I can’t
say it right now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve never been through grief like this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I've learned there is no easy way to get
around the grief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It hits hard somedays
and you can’t just sweep it under the rug, because when you do, it comes back
with a vengeance and you lose it. You lose it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> (Usually in a public place without warning.) </span>There were days I would need to talk about it and days I would silently
pray you wouldn’t ask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> I am
not familiar with not being “ok”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
not comfortable making others uncomfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When someone asks “how are you?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I want to say “I’m well, you?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
don’t want to say, “bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want to get out of bed
some days, I don’t want to be a mom to just two kids today when I thought I was
a mom to three.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want to grocery
shop or do laundry or do anything that feels normal because my life feels so
abnormal and wrong.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because if I said
all that, I would worry you wouldn’t know what to say to that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I don’t want you to say “If God brought
you to it He'll bring you through it…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t want you to say “everything happens for a reason.” I don’t want
you to say “It’s too bad you couldn’t just get another one (kid!) while you were over
there”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are things people (well
meaning people) have said to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
these things don’t help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And don’t make
any of it better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But if I have learned anything on this path that I did not
choose, it’s that it is ok to not be ok…even if that makes everyone around me
uncomfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truly, there have been
some remarkable friendships that have bloomed out of my pain this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sat with girlfriends that let me talk for
hours about my pain, and they understood on the days I couldn’t talk about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They have taught me what it means to really
BE there for someone who is going through grief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was unable to be a good friend this year, I
was too engulfed in my own mess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I
gained some tools on how to be there for someone when I am able.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We cannot carefully address the wounds of others if we are
carelessly addressing our own”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> -</span>Esther Fleece <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of these new beautiful friends of mine was talking one day
about how Jacob walked with a limp after encountering (wrestling with)
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lightbulb went off in my head,
this is my limp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have wrestled with
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have asked him the hard
questions, I have lamented and cried out to Him in my pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And now, it’s over…but I will walk with this
forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The pain is seared in my memory, in my body, forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I realized this the other night when I went to a fundraiser
for an orphanage in Uganda.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is an
amazing ministry that works to unify bio families and support the parents
so they can care for their children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They also have an adoption ministry when reunification is not
possible for the bio family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have met a few of the
families this year that have adopted from this orphanage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Normally, sitting in any fundraiser for
orphanges in Africa my heart is stirred, the tears flow and I feel all the
feels because that is my passion and heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But this night I felt something different, I felt emptiness, and
anger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sat and watched the stories of
these beautiful families and all I could see was his face (Moses).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All I could think about was the future that
was taken from our family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
some reason, Tony and I keep coming back to the fact that we both still want to
adopt from Africa….then we look at each other and realize how crazy we
sound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is still the dream for our
family, but neither of us are ready for everything that means yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
After the program I went up to the director
of the orphanage to ask her a few questions on what she thought the status of
adoption in Uganda is and if she worries about them shutting it down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also asked her about agencies she works
with, obviously I have lots of questions about agencies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told her a bit of our story and this
wonderful woman looked me square in the eyes and said, “Have you forgiven those
people?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(meaning our agency) I thought
about it for a second and realized I hadn’t even thought about forgiving them…I
had been so focussed on me and God and dealing with the grief of our family that
I didn’t realize I was hanging on to my anger towards them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She preached for the next few minutes about
forgiving those that have wronged us and how there is so much freedom that
comes when we do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Maybe that is why we
haven’t been able to take another step yet…we are stuck in this step…or at
least I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She prayed over me and said
“Tell you what, you forgive those people, get your freedom, and when you are
ready I will get you a couple of kids”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Tears for days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know if
God will ever make a way for us to welcome a child (or children) from Africa
into our home…what I do know is that we can’t do that until we are free from
the anger and the hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We may walk with
a limp, but we will be walking with a limp in freedom and truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I'm honestly not there yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know when or how I will be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“If you keep moving with a wound that needs attention, you
will only make it worse” Esther fleece<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My biggest lessons this year:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s ok not to be ok<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you wrestle with God you come out stronger than before
but you may have that limp forever<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Forgiveness is freedom<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect
in weakness 2 Corinthians 12:9<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He has redefined redemption and beauty for me, not as a
happy ending, but as His presence with me regardless of the ending.” Katie
Davis Majors<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
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Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-51068235546318125572017-11-29T06:23:00.000-08:002017-11-29T06:25:16.540-08:00The River<div class="MsoNormal">
So I have been ping ponging between my feelings lately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I have felt like a little old lady that sent all her money
to some Nigerian prince internet scam.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean how
stupid could we have been to trust the system we trusted in?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How were we so naïve to have chosen an agency
based on a bible verse and a few reviews they put on their website?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why did we think human trafficking would not
happen this way in America?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Then I have felt like we are exactly where we are supposed
to be, and this was a lesson God wanted us to learn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe to be more informed and maybe to make a
CHANGE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Two things have been bothering me above all else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kids were taken from mothers/families that wanted and LOVED
them.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
AND<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This could negatively affect the chances for orphans in the
future to be placed in loving homes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want change in our systems that will save families like
ours/Moses’ from being put through this kind of heartbreak.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I don’t want that change to decrease the number of
international adoptions even more drastically. They already have been significantly declining in
the last ten years.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SO what now?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How can we support agencies and orphanages that are ethical
and who’s mission is to give an orphan a home?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At the same time making sure we are NOT supporting kids getting taken
from their families for a dollar amount?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Lord will redeem our story…I believe this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s not done with the Schmid family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are not forgotten and neither is
Moses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God’s will was for him to stay with his
biological family…my question to God, what was our role in it all?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am still trying to figure out and piece
that together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God’s will God’s
will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What was/is that for the Schmids
Lord?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have been having dreams of
rivers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been kind of obsessed
with what this means.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have always felt
like God speaks to me in my dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So
many times I have woken in the middle of the night after a dream where Moses
was in my arms and then someone pulled him out and runs away and I can’t catch
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These have been replaced with
dreams of rivers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Whenever I think of Moses from the bible I think of him found in the river in that basket. Of all of the big ways God showed himself in Moses' life, I feel like a baby being found floating down the river in a basket was the most incredible. A simple and impossible act of faith by Moses' mother. In my dream, </span>I am swimming in a
river and all of a sudden the current is so strong and it sweeps me away and I
can’t swim back no matter how hard I try.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I swim and swim and can’t get upstream where I want to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe I should just let go and let God take me wherever that
river is flowing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe I<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>have to let
go of the control I have so deprerately fought for over my children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe I dream of the river because of the floods of tears
that have carried me here.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe it’s the drowning and trying to get up for air. The
way I feel when I let myself think of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>him and the sadness overwhelms me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe it’s the way time moves like a river and there is
nothing we can do to change the course.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The anger I feel when I think about how time could’ve stopped when I
held him in my arms and he called me momma but it didn’t and I never saw him
again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whatever it is I am obsessed with finding the meaning behind
the river.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We named him Moses (drawn up out of the water/river) but his given name was Dieu le Veut (God's will) How fitting? I wanted him to be drawn out of the river to us but that was not God's will. The whole time I believed his name meant God’s will was for him to be in our family. When all along God’s will was not ours. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There was a song I used to listen to all the time when I
found myself in the car praying for God to let us be together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always thought I would use that song in the
video of his homecoming when he came home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When I hear it now I think about how I did get to hold him and it
changed me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I cry. And beat my fists
and cry out to God. WHY?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana";">Tried to keep you close to me,</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana";"><br />
But life got in between<br />
Tried to square not being there<br />
But it's there that I should've been<br />
<br />
Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes<br />
Hold back the river,<br />
So I can stop for a minute and see where you
hide<br />
Hold back the river, hold back<br />
<br />
Once upon a different life<br />
We rode our bikes into the sky<br />
But now we're caught against the tide<br />
Those distant days all flashing by<br /><br />Lonely water, lonely water,<br />
Won't you let us wander?<br />
Let us hold each other?<br />
Lonely water, lonely water,<br />
Won't you let us wander?<br />
Let us hold each other?</span></span><span style="font-family: "times"; font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Hold back the river-James Bay</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe I will sort through all these feelings/dreams and figure them out soon. Right now, feeling angry and sad and hopeful....always hopeful. </div>
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Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-68780679634538404132017-09-18T11:31:00.004-07:002017-09-18T11:31:58.285-07:00New Normal
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Today wasn’t great and it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Max started first grade today and I feel like
I am so mad at time right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Emotions
are heightened in our household lately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We’ve all shed tears this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not sure if it’s the transition from one season to another, if it’s the
feeling we are “moving on” without Moses, if it’s trying to decide what next
steps to take with our family, I don’t know…maybe it’s all of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For some reason we are all a mess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tony and I had a long conversation today
about what we do now when it comes to our family and we are both gun shy when
it comes to all the options.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are
scared of taking the wrong steps again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
retrospect we may have rushed into a few decisions…one of them being the agency
we picked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were in a hurry to pick a
new agency when ours closed their Ethiopia program and we wanted to find
another that had an Africa program.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
saw a Bible verse on the website and saw some reviews and off we went.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was naïve in thinking that any organization
with a Christian vision, wouldn’t lie to us, wouldn’t knowlingly take kids away
from their bio families with deciept and unkept promises.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We didn’t know what we didn’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We don’t have regrets but we feel we have
learned so much and now it’s like we know too much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s like we are paralyzed to make a decision
because of the things that “could” go wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The things that DID go wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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And
Max may be picking up on our emotions, and I am pretty sure he is going through
some grief of his own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Telling him he no
longer had a brother that would live with us was not our favorite day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told Tony that it was so hard because it
was the first thing we had to tell him that would shake up his little safe
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was his first big
disappointment in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have been
telling him since he knew what a brother was, that he had one and that one day
he would come live with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t
count the times we said to Max, “When Moses gets here you can show him that..”
or “When Moses gets here you will have someone to do that with…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told people he had a brother and a
sister…he was so proud to be Moses’ big brother and he was ready to help teach
him English and show him how to ride a bike.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His reaction when we told him that wasn’t going to happen was not what
we expected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We thought he may cry or be
sad…but he was angry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Angry at us
specifically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A visceral anger that surprised us. He was mad that we got to
meet Moses and he never did. He sobbed
on his bed and told us to leave him alone. Tony kept trying to rub his back and
he kept throwing his hand off and telling us to leave him be. So we went into our room and told him we
would be there when he was ready to talk.
I sobbed on the edge of the bed…he finally came in. We told him we were so sad too, that we
didn’t want this either. He said “does
this mean I don’t have a brother anymore”
and “Will I never get to meet him?” Both questions broke me as a
mom. It sucks to not be able to take
away your child’s pain. To have to
deliver a message that you know will shake their foundation. And now I don’t know if it’s grief or being a
6 year old or the end of summer mentality but his anger has been real and
shocking. He has always had such a sweet
heart but now we are seeing anger manifest itself in our son and honestly I
have been so busy dealing with my own sadness and anger that I have NO idea
what to do with his. But after the
outburst happens there HE is again, my sweet hearted boy…we cried together
tonight after one said outburst. He laid
on my chest and we both cried…hard. And he promised to do better and I promised
to do better. We prayed that God would
help us do better. I see his heart in
those moments and I know we will get through this…and he’s maturing but he’s
still a little boy and I just want to do right by him. I just want him to feel heard and loved and
like he can be who he is supposed to be.
When a mom is dealing with grief….how exactly can she be the best mom to
her kids as they are dealing with their own?
I have no idea. Any suggestions,
cuz I am drowning a little bit here. </div>
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We
had a great morning dropping Max off to his first day of school…we prayed over
him and watched him light up as he saw his “buddies”. Grateful for the kids in his class that will
help with the lonliness of a brother lost.
Grateful for the teacher that will help him learn God’s word as a
foundation when his is crumbling. We are
starting our new “Normal” this year as we all accept we are a family of 4 and
not 5. I will hold these kids close and
know that we are getting through this together, as a family as four people who
love each other deeply and are surrounded with countless others that lavish
love/support upon us too. Happy first day.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-58121887290071623602017-08-01T08:16:00.000-07:002017-08-01T08:16:33.602-07:00The final update.<div class="MsoNormal">
I have been delaying writing
this post. It just feels like it will be
final when we tell everyone. I don’t
want it to be over. But we feel like
it’s time to close the door on this adoption.
We made our last effort to make it happen and sent Tony back to the
DRC. His trip was unfruitful and we
realized that the family is not going to let him go. All this time we thought they agreed to this
adoption. They have given him up several
times…but now we are left with so many questions. They had told us if they could meet us then
they would be satisfied. But they didn’t
even show up. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are frustrated, heartbroken, devastated and confused. I am mad at myself for always believing this
would end another way. I always held
onto to the hope that he would end up in our family. I always thought this journey would one day
lead to that much anticipated airport welcome with all the people that have
spent hours praying and sacrificed their time and finances to this adoption. I get sick when I think about people giving
to this adoption that has failed. I am
so angry Tony flew all the way there just to sit in a hotel room for eight days
by himself and never even get to see Moses.
He gave away all the clothes/toys we had brought for him and packed up
the suitcase that held so many hopes and dreams for us. He said he felt so sad packing that
suitcase. He came home. We talked and prayed about how to tell
everyone…how to tell max. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I honestly
don’t know how to let go. When you hang
on to something so tight for so long…letting go feels like a betrayal…it feels
like we are forgetting him. But now there are times I wish I didn’t even know
him. (not a lot of times, but there are
times) Like when I first felt the
finality and I wanted to smash the pictures on the walls and burn that stupid
bunk bed in Max’s room. Or when I
unpacked that suitcase and I felt the sting of never seeing him again. But deep down I know that I don’t want to forget
him, and although my prayers for him will change, they will never
cease. Every night since we knew Moses’
name we have prayed with Max “Keep him safe and bring him home” . Although the words will be the same, the
meaning will change “Dear God keep him safe and bring him HOME." And HOME is
where we will see him again someday. I
know the prayers for this little boy will not go unanswered. I trust that although we may never bring him
home to our family, we will see him in our heavenly home someday. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am so sorry for everyone
that was excited to meet him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am so
sorry you gave and never got to see the fruit of your giving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am so sorry things ended this way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am so grateful that you supported us, even
though we failed to bring him home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
journey is over but we are anxious to see what God has in store for this
family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please keep Moses and his
family in your prayers. We wish we had a happier ending to share.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God bless you for prayers as we grieve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you for the meals, texts, calls, rides
from the airport, giving us a place to stay or a shoulder to cry on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are the best people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It felt like the floor was suddenly gone from beneath
my feet and the foundation we had built was dissolving. How could it be he would not be in our lives?
How could we tell our son that he no longer has a brother? It feels like death..but
I know he is living and breathing and I breathe in deep and thank God for that.
..if that’s all I can feel thankful for in this moment. I think “I am blessed…You blessed me with two
beautiful children…how can I not be grateful for what You have given? You give and You take away and I trust you in
this, although right now I feel hollow and broken and empty and sad and angry
and all these things wrapped into a huge blanket of deep sadness that I fear I
will never shake. It will always hurt
when I think of him. It will always feel
like my child was taken from me. It will
always feel like we had a family that never got to be a family. And people will move on and their lives will
go on the same and I’m stuck on this island…alone…without him, the one I prayed
for for so many years. And what was the
lesson in this? Because everything is
foggy and sad and I can’t hear You. I
can’t see Your face in this. I know who
You are. You are good. You are
sovereign. You are still You. But who am
I? I was his mother and now who am I? I
had three children and now who am I?
I’ve lost part of who I am. I
don’t want to be here without him. My
heart is bleeding and I cry everyday and I feel nothing and everything. But You are good and You are God and I breathe
deep and I cling to that. If there is
nothing else to cling to, I cling to that.
You asked me once “would You be enough if everything else was taken
away?” Now I face the answer and I know
You are. In time I wonder if I will see the ways in which Your hand was in
this. Will I be grateful for this? Will
it not burn in the back of my eyes and spill out in tears? Will I feel peace?
Will I feel content? Will I ever move
on? People say “at least you can grieve
and move on now.” At least….at least.
There is no “at least” because it’s not a consolation to move on…it’s not
a gift. How can I see it as one? The only true gift in this was the way I felt
You near in the despair and the way he called me “mama” even if I will never
hear it again. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-10242651373470711992017-07-13T18:00:00.000-07:002017-07-13T18:01:10.449-07:00Tony goes to Africa...<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
This week has been a mess of anxiety and hope as a few very big things have come together. We have been waiting for Tony’s visa to get into the DRC for over 9 weeks now, and had heard from the embassy it may take months. We wanted one of us to be there for an embassy appointment with Moses’ biological aunt. She has expressed that she wants to meet us and will give up her rights once she comes up for the embassy appointment. So we applied for Tony’s visa thinking it might take two weeks. When it was taking so long, we weren’t sure if we should go ahead with the interview without one of us there. This is a risk, we are afraid she could not follow through if she doesn’t meet us. But we were prolonging the approval of our adoption because we were waiting on a visa. So that was our dilemma. We decided to step out in faith and schedule the embassy appointment if Tony’s visa wasn’t here by the end of June. Then we gave it one more week. Nothing. So we set up the appointment for this past Thursday. Just after I wired the money for our lawyer to go down to the region where Moses and his aunt have been living to bring them back to the city….I got an email that Tony’s visa would arrive last Saturday…and it did! Wow. The timing, as always, was crazy. <o:p></o:p></div>
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SO…we booked a ticket and Tony is head to the DRC…THIS SUNDAY. As of now we don’t know how long approval will take after the interview so we don’t know if Tony will be coming home with Moses. What we do know is the interview is scheduled for July 18<sup>th</sup> at 3:00 and Tony will be there the night before. So right now we need some major prayer. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Both of us are stressed beyond belief trying to pack and get everything ready for leaving here on Saturday. We are stretched thin in so many ways...financially...emotionally...physically. We are excited but nervous. Please pray for Tony…that he would be safe and that Moses would bond with him….Moses doesn’t remember us, he doesn’t speak a lick of English and he is leaving everything he knows…Pray for Moses too. Pray for me as I wait from afar…it was a really hard decision not to go with Tony but we decided if things didn’t work out, the one who could emotionally handle that should go. Obviously it isn’t me. And financially it just didn't make sense for us both to go. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
We have been blown away by the recent support of friends…such a reminder that God is still in this and that he still CARES and so do the people surrounding us. I got a letter with a check from a friend just this week that said <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The Lord your God himself will fight for you” Deuteronomy 3:2<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“In life we may not know which battles we’ll have to fight, but we can always be sure of who is fighting them with us. God’s love and many prayers are all around you—now and for as <b>long as it takes.</b> “<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She said “So many times I have wanted to reach out to you but my words were at a loss. I’ve wanted to help but had nothing to give….I’m so happy to finally send something” along with some other very heartfelt very much needed words. God continues to provide at JUST the moment I (we) need it most. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can honestly say that in the past few months I have questioned if we should still be fighting. I mean I would die for this boy but how long should I fight for it if I’m not sure of the outcome…As LONG as it takes. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you Kirsten for reminding me not to give up on God, on Moses, on our family…and for reminding me there are so many people who haven’t given up on us. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you Denalyn and fam for supporting another DRC mama (and fam) when you haven’t even met us in person. If you are anything like your brother, I want to be your friend someday (I mean like real friends who have face to face conversations…although I feel like I already know you).<o:p></o:p></div>
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Thank you friends who have randomly felt the tug on your heart to send money and prayers our way…You have NO idea what it means to us to open the letters from you. It literally keeps me afloat when I feel like I am drowning. You have supported us financially and with your time when we aren’t even ASKING, you continue to GIVE. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>If it goes well next week they will approve his orphan status and we can officially apply for his visa. This is our last big hurtle folks. My anxiety level is at an all time high as I sit here tonight thinking about all that is about to go down in the next couple weeks. But my faith is also at an all time high thanks to those of you that have been supporting us. Let’s bring him home…I really want him to meet you.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With love<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Schmids</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBRUNOR-ZSoe8sluY3UTTPrI5c7XUeorMl0Q5OdKsBsvi5cM_VFNNHRDOL9UAptCsr5DuwR9R7xD6rznLUrLP9iBiaT1BYQolyel1e5f6Xwpf5XLLPz8VRFLYA7Lls_wlO1BuJhWjj9ZU/s1600/IMG_5227.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBRUNOR-ZSoe8sluY3UTTPrI5c7XUeorMl0Q5OdKsBsvi5cM_VFNNHRDOL9UAptCsr5DuwR9R7xD6rznLUrLP9iBiaT1BYQolyel1e5f6Xwpf5XLLPz8VRFLYA7Lls_wlO1BuJhWjj9ZU/s400/IMG_5227.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I found this luggage tag on the suitcase when I got it out to pack...the last time we used this bag was August 2014 when we met Moses. Can't believe I am packing it again almost three years later. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnnhrR4MILViU6Ut4_cnrdqVA4_c_VT9RwWj8OYHWJwdCaOshyphenhyphenrOoujYR6_Clc6C_QGJXb38wjlLmD6fWZUJOz6bNs4D-LFKI3YgQ_PFoliJllPgpl0-UTTGrrAUlBzRtiT9g7KzXFojs/s1600/IMG_5228.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnnhrR4MILViU6Ut4_cnrdqVA4_c_VT9RwWj8OYHWJwdCaOshyphenhyphenrOoujYR6_Clc6C_QGJXb38wjlLmD6fWZUJOz6bNs4D-LFKI3YgQ_PFoliJllPgpl0-UTTGrrAUlBzRtiT9g7KzXFojs/s400/IMG_5228.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-82662771735936861652017-03-30T09:23:00.002-07:002017-03-30T09:42:48.396-07:00Birthday Boy<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:DocumentProperties> <o:Revision>0</o:Revision> <o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime> <o:Pages>1</o:Pages> <o:Words>316</o:Words> <o:Characters>1803</o:Characters> <o:Company>Jennifer Grace Photography</o:Company> <o:Lines>15</o:Lines> <o:Paragraphs>4</o:Paragraphs> <o:CharactersWithSpaces>2115</o:CharactersWithSpaces> <o:Version>14.0</o:Version> </o:DocumentProperties> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/> <w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/> <w:OverrideTableStyleHps/> <w:UseFELayout/> </w:Compatibility> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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One year ago tomorrow we were placed on a list of families approved to remove their children from the DRC.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the day after Moses’ 3<sup>rd</sup> birthday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Last night I got an email from another DRC mom, who told me to check our Lifesong donations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have decided not to continue to ask for money from friends and family for our adoption.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had committed to asking for a certain amount and then once we raised that we would come up with the rest on our own …or just pray that God would provide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somehow…every time we need funds …God provides.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have been financially struggling with the adoption process since our agency was debarred in December.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had to find a new agency and with that came many more fees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Out of the blue one day, a mom we met in the DRC said there was another DRC mom who knew someone looking to donate to a family still waiting to get their children out of DRC. Well there aren’t very many of us left so she told them about us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last night, that donation went through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can now pay for our new agency and HOPEFULLY a ticket to the DRC.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got so excited last night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was like “TONY this must be a sign, last year at this time we were put on the list…and it’s Moses’ birthday<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and….” Then I had to reign it in because I felt the lump rise and the tears coming. You see I have had this feeling of excitement and hope before…and been let down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So instead of getting ahead of myself, I am praising God for my sweet four year old boy today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish I could eat cupcakes with him and watch him open his gifts, but I have to live another milestone without him here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am grieving and rejoicing today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Letting myself watch the videos and look at the pictures today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I rejoice in the possibility of bringing him home this year, I grieve in the possibility that we won’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I rejoice in his four years of life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I grieve that I have missed out on those years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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Happy Birthday Love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We miss you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" mozallowfullscreen="" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/210798574" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="640"></iframe><br />
<a href="https://vimeo.com/210798574">Moses Birthday</a> from <a href="https://vimeo.com/user7793657">Jennifer Schmid</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-9174955176643263722017-03-19T05:05:00.001-07:002017-03-19T05:15:59.391-07:00The Timeline<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px;">
There's been so much time since we held our boy...at times I feel numb to it. Like will I even be excited when he comes home? I know it sounds awful but he doesn't know us, and we don't know him...and it's been this way for three years. There's a four year old little boy across the world that I identify as my son, but in reality...he doesn't speak our language, he doesn't love us yet like we love him, he might even be scared of us when/if he comes home. He might be scared of a lot of things. The day we have been waiting three years for, will be a traumatic day for him...when he leaves all his little four year old body has ever known. </div>
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So instead of letting myself feel all of that I shut it down...and I try not to think about the implications of that day actually becoming a reality. But some days I still close my eyes and feel his little body asleep on mine. I can smell him and feel his shallow breaths...and in those moments, I know the hard days (if we are blessed enough to have them) will be worth it because I will get to hold my little boy again and breath him in.<br />
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I realize now I can't protect any of my children from the what the world throws at them...but I will love them</div>
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fiercely and hold them when they can't take it. When it hurts too bad. When the grief is overwhelming. I'm no expert, but I've certainly learned a lot about pain. And maybe that is the most important thing to come out of this waiting, maybe that is something I will share with him. Yes our grief will be different...I longed for him and he may be longing for a life he leaves behind. But we will both know longing. Deep guttural longing that makes you feel so alone.<br />
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For him, as it has been for me, life will be busy and he won't have time to feel it always, but when the world gets quiet, that's when he will feel the isolation, the loneliness. I know this because that's when I feel</div>
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it; in the night when I wake from a dream of him or when I lay under the stars of Max's bunkbed feeling the emptiness of an incomplete family, and the glitter in the stars magnifies in my tears and spills out melting down the sides of my face. I feel it when the world gets quiet, and maybe that's why I don't like to be alone like I used to...I don't want to feel it. And although I can't keep the grief from creeping into his little body, I will be there so he doesn't have to feel alone. And I will tell him how while his mommy waited for him to come home sometimes she felt so alone that her whole body ached. That she cried for him and prayed for him every night. And maybe that will make him feel less alone. And I will tell him that when I felt the most alone, and when it hurt the most, I still had Jesus by my side and that he can too. That He was mommy's hope. Even though I will always grieve my time lost with my sweet boy, I never walked alone.<br />
When the world felt so lonely, I didn't have to hope in the world. I could hope in what was bigger than the world.<br />
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“He shot his arrows deep into my heart. </div>
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The thought of my suffering and hopelessness is bitter beyond words. </div>
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I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. </div>
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Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:</div>
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The unfailing love of the Lord never ends! </div>
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By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.” </div>
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Lamentations 3:13, 19-22</div>
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The other day I sat down and decided to write down every significant moment in our adoption journey. Frankly when people ask questions now, I am starting to lose track. We have been on our adoption journey for 7 years. We have known our son for three of the seven years. When I actually wrote it all out, it sure did look like a big chunk of my life I have been fighting for something that, at this point, I am not sure will ever happen. This has hit me hard this week. It's actually pretty hard to be hopeful for the next steps when I look back at how many we had to take to get here. But I also look back at those steps and see the lessons God has given me along the way. I am not the person I was 7 years ago when we started this. His mercies have kept me from complete destruction...</div>
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So here it is if you are interested. The significant events for the last seven years of our pursuit to follow God's calling to adopt. </div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">THE TIMELINE</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>March 2010</b>- Start adoption paperwork with first agency for
Ethiopia<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>June 2010</b>- Almost complete homestudy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>July 2010</b> - Find out we are pregnant put homestudy on hold<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b style="color: #222222;">March 2011</b><span style="color: #222222;">- Max is born<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>May 2011</b>- Move to Indiana -Find out our agency closed
Ethiopia program<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>May 2013</b>- Find new agency and start homestudy process over
because we moved states and had a baby- originally decided to adopt from Uganda
then changed to Democratic Republic of Congo<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>September 12 2013</b> approved for i600a<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">September 25</span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span><span style="font-size: xx-small;">2013</span></b><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> DGM announced suspension on
the issuance of exit permits for adopted children (basically withholding the
one piece of paper legally adopted children needed to leave the country)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>October 2013</b> Sent our Dossier to Democratic Republic of
Congo<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>December 31 2013</b> Receive our referral (first
pictures of Moses at 9 months old)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>January 29 2014</b>- receive updated photos of Moses<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>July 25 2014</b> Moses moved to foster care in Kinshasa receive picture of him. He is moved to sunshine house<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>August 10-22</b> <b>2014</b> Travel to Kinshasa to meet Moses<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>August 15 2014</b> Receive final adoption
judgement from DRC courts <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>August 25 2014</b>- received photos of Moses at
sunshine house with our pics and toys we left him<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>September 2014</b> – receive a call that Aunt has taken him back
to Bandundu (kikwit) That our adoption is probably over<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>April 15 2014</b>-
171 Members of Congress sent a letter to the Prime
Minister and President of DRC calling for a resolution of the adoption crisis<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>July 3-5 2014 - </b>Dr. Jill Biden, wife of Vice President Biden, traveled to DRC and requested
exit permits be issued.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>July 8 2014</b> House of Representatives passes Resolution calling on DRC to end the suspension
of exit permits<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>July 16 2014</b> Kelly Dempsey testifies to House Foreign Affairs Subcommittee on Africa
regarding the Department of State’s bias against DRC adoptions and its poor
performance in responding to the DRC crisis.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>July 16 2014</b> 167 Members of Congress send a letter urging President Obama to engage
President Kabila to resolve the crisis<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>January 2015</b>- Receive photos of Moses who we had
not seen since September 2014<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>January 5<sup> </sup>2015</b>- Update our
homestudy in Indiana AGAIN<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">February 9</span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span><span style="font-size: xx-small;">2015</span></b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">- Approved by
governor to move Moses back to Kinshasa but he insists we get approval from DGM
(who does not approve)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>April 21 2015</b>- Family agrees Moses can move back
to Kinshasa in foster care (still waiting on DGM)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>May 4 2015</b>- receive one photo of
Moses (whom we hadn’t seen a photo of since January 2015)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>May 17 2015</b>- Moses has umbilical
hernia surgery without our knowledge <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>May 30 2015</b>- Move to Michigan start
homestudy process over AGAIN<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>February<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>21<sup> </sup>2016</b> Lucy is born <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>March 30 2016</b> – Moses 3<sup>rd</sup>
birthday<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>March 31 2016</b> – sent notice that
we were on the list approved for an exit permit<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>June 29 2016</b>- Hired a private investigator
(didn’t trust everything our agency was telling us)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>July 26 2016</b>- received pics and
video of Moses from Private Investigator (whom we hadn’t seen since May 4<sup>th</sup> 2015 a
year and two months earlier)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>October 2016</b>- File our i600<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>November 2016</b>- Update our Michigan homestudy AGAIN <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>November 2016</b>- Sent a request for more evidence (RFE) from state department (they want a corrected birth certifitcate for Moses and
death certificate for his bio mother)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>December 16 2016</b> Our agency is debarred for
three years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Endless phonecalls/emails about
what this means for the finalization of our adoption<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>January 7 2017</b> Sign on with our third agency<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>January 9 2017</b> Receive final
documents for i600 request for evidence and send them out to be translated<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>January 11 2017</b>- Send final
documents to USCIS and await final decision of approval or denial of our i600
petition for orphan status<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>January 18 2017</b>- Start Passport paperwork<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>February 1 2017</b>- Sent out last RFE paperwork and
contract with new agency to state department<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>February 13 2017</b>- State Department confirms receipt
of RFE paperwork and start of i600 processing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><b>February 21 2017</b></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;">- Received approval for
i600a (again) Lucy's first birthday</span></span><span style="font-family: "opensans"; font-size: 13pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Currently - awaiting approval or denial of our i600 which will determine if we move forward with the adoption or if it is officially over</b></span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-91101004444270299782017-01-04T08:56:00.001-08:002017-01-04T09:11:18.549-08:00Light<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have been thinking a lot lately about the word light. About lights in general. About light in general. What it means to be a light, to live by the
light, to know the Light of the World in an intimate way. In a way that pushes all darkness from your life. I feel like the last three years have been
this journey for me in the dark…with tiny lights guiding my path. Little flickers of hope. Some bigger than
others, some blown out completely. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There is something about lights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially right now, in this season.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love Christmas lights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love sitting by the Christmas tree and
driving around looking at houses with lights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It makes me feel warm and safe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It makes me feel like the darkness can’t hide the light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The light of the world, who came as a
baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s why we celebrate, it’s why
we gather.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We have been waiting so long for Moses that we never
expected to have another child before we brought him home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t say I know the sorrow of losing a
baby, I don’t pretend to understand the grief of having a miscarriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I can tell you, I have felt the longing to
have another baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Desperately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a long time we didn’t try to have any
because all our time and energy went into our adoption…then there was the two
year wait for the exit permit and we decided to keep our lives moving .<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought well, could be another two years so
let’s have a baby while we wait! HA! Not that easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have felt the pain of thinking “This is the
month!” for almost a year…waiting waiting waiting .<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought “Lord really? You are gonna make me
wait for this one too?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Waiting seems to
be a theme for our family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our plan was
never to have 5 years go by before having more children, but that is what
happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And in my sadness of missing
one baby and longing for another…she came.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The light in the dark.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lucy, her
name actually means light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that is
what she has been the last 10 months…a light and a gift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She came just when she was supposed to
come…just when the pain was the greatest…she brought new hope into our family,
new joy, new life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Little Lucy Lou.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What I pray for my little girl (and for myself at the moment)
is that she will be a light to others.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">She won’t speak ill of people, she will focus on the good in people
rather than what they need to change.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">She will make people laugh, she will shine bright in the darkness.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">She will reflect the light of the One who
created her so brightly that it’s all they will see.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">They will see Him through her.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I haven’t taken her for granted one single day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every single day I think about how I am
blessed to spend it with her… I think about how I have missed so many days with
Moses and how we aren’t promised everyday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I breathe her in, watch her determined little body discover, and take
steps, and turn into who she is supposed to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness</i>-
Eleanor Roosevelt<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">SO whatever darkness you may be in or feeling at the
moment…don’t curse it. Embrace it, for it
is making you so much stronger…and while you are in there…freaking light a candle
and let it freaking shine. I don't know about you but <span style="color: #212f3f;">I'm kinda tired of letting the darkness win.</span><span style="color: #212f3f;"> </span><span style="color: #212f3f;">We have the light. Love does win.</span><span style="color: #212f3f;"> This morning t</span><span style="color: #212f3f;">he
sun was coming up through the haze of the blustery snow and it made this
magical beam up to heaven.</span><span style="color: #212f3f;"> </span><span style="color: #212f3f;">It was like
God was reminding me that we can reflect His glory…shine it right back to Him.
Up and out…shine it up and out.</span></span></div>
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Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-25604554054007654612016-10-11T08:51:00.001-07:002016-10-11T08:55:52.980-07:00School days are here...<div class="MsoNormal">
I am killing it at this school thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just killing it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Max’s first day of school we wake up at 7:30
(maybe the first time in our lives our kids have slept in that late) and he has
to be there at 7:55.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had these visions
of his first day…we would get up early, we would have a big breakfast and talk
about what he was most excited about, I would take pictures on the doorstep and
then again once we got to his school,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we
would pray with him and walk him into his class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not exactly how our morning went.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We tear out of bed, I race downstairs to let
the dogs out, change and feed Lucy, throw whatever I can find in a lunch box,
and I go upstairs to check on Max’s progress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He has his socks on…that’s it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
throw his stuff in his backback, take a quick blurry picture of him and we haul
butt out of the driveway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Traffic, of
course.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We speedwalk into the building
and get to his door just as the tardy bell rings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hear one mom whisper to her daughter “Make
a difference!” and I just think “Please don’t make farting noises.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>#goals<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I give him a hug and start to walk away…when I shut myself in the car
the realization hits and I sob like baby.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
My firstborn is in school EVERY day now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been an ocean of books and trains and
forts and playdates and zoo trips and morning snuggles for the last 5 years…an
ocean.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have made it to the mainland
and I am supposed to just let go of his hand and let him find his way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What?! I don’t think he can open his yogurt
on his own…Will he know how to sit and listen?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Who will hold him if someone is being mean?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I sit and cry for a bit then drive
away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m driving away from my lil
buddy, my best little friend for the last 5 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I get the kid I don’t really like from
3:00-5:00 (in my opinion the most terrible hours of the day). He now spends
most of his days with his peers…and I pray we have equipped him to be a leader
and to be kind. <o:p></o:p></div>
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One thing that gave me a window into Max's little heart this
week;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> He</span> decided he wanted to make a
package for Moses (Tony and I don’t have the heart to tell him he has no way to
receive it right now) He picked out 3 of his transformers (if you know Max you
know these are like gold to him) Some crackers and granola bars (because “he
needs more food mommy”) His one and only dollar in his wallet (because he needs
some money mommy) And one of his books called “What God is like.” When I asked
him why he picked that book he said “Because I don’t know if he knows God and I
want him to meet Him.” Cue me running into the other room to sob for a hot
second.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I came back in as him and
Tony are taping the box shut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
boy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s gonna be just fine, I think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has a sweet heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now whether or not I will be ok is another
story.. as I sit and listen to the birds sing and watch some of the leaves
fall… it is so strangly quiet in the house today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss the noise, but the silence is nice
too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One tiny chapter has ended and I
can’t wait to see what God does with this little man that I have come to love
so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I watch Lucy (more on her
later) I am amazed that Max was once that tiny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When we got our most recent update on Moses (more on him later) I am
amazed that God has taken care of him in the way that He has…without my
help…just my prayers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God is going to
watch over these kids….because they are HIS and most certainly not
MINE…although I am finding<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>so much joy
in the time God has been lending them to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Afterschool we made up for it!</div>
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First ride on the bus!</div>
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Our sweetie guy with Lu</div>
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Labor day fun with dad...first time on the big zipline at camp...absolutely NO FEAR...he can be shy, at times, but definitely a risk taker.</div>
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Canoeing with dad!</div>
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<o:p></o:p>Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-79052774904158801502016-01-05T19:37:00.000-08:002016-01-05T19:41:38.099-08:00New Year<div class="verse" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">We find ourselves not counting the milestones of our little one's life, but counting the anniversaries of special days that we wished we had shared with him. The number of these days continues to climb. We got this picture New Year's Eve 2013.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">We were instantly in love. We had no idea two years later we would be sitting in our home on New Year's Eve without him. But here we are. Last year I said 2015 was going to be a good year and I that I had faith he would be home with us. I will not make the same proclamation for 2016. It will be a good year (We have lots of things to be grateful for) but I won't say that I have faith Moses will be home this year... I have learned the hard way that God doesn't always give us what we want when we want it. Sometimes there is so much to learn in the waiting. I'm learning a lot about lament lately, knowing that I can still cry out to God in the waiting. Listened to a sermon on Sunday, the pastor spoke on "living in lament", I realized I had gone silent...feeling like my prayers didn't matter to Him anymore. Apparently it takes faith to pray in the midst of pain. "Lament is better than silent despair." He said. This is what I felt...silent despair. God may not answer me in the way I want this year, but I won't be silent. I will continue to cry out "How long oh Lord? How long, how long, how long..."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Journal Entry November 2015</span></div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><i>I went up to the roof to see the sun rise over San Francisco...I went to listen for God. I heard the caw of the seagull and the slow drumming of tires on pavement. I heard one lonely basketball bouncing on a court below. I watched the clouds move over the city like a remnant of a smoldering fire... And slowly the world was light. And I was small on this rooftop and God was big and majestic. The lights dimmed in the windows and on the big steel red bridge and I was quiet...waiting. But the world grew louder and busier still as the sun made her grand entrance. The birds gathered in frenzy on the wire and the street cars whirred on their wires and everyone came to life and started in with the busy. But I see the pink settle into the clouds and I want it all to stop. So I can sit here with Him forever. Listening to His voice. The clouds roll away and the sky is clean and new and fresh and ready. But I am not. Not ready to start another day, because each day brings with it the waiting. Waiting for answers, waiting for His voice, waiting for my son. And I ask God to stop the world from turning so I won't miss my days with him, but I know I ask too much. So I wait, and ask again for what I know He will give me right now; The strength to meet the new day, with a desire to live in the waiting, knowing He will wait with me.</i> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I and will choose this year to find joy...to find beauty...to find the words to cry out to God when it hurts. To live in lament. </span></div>
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</span>Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1199319289875817201.post-77532586711084735052015-09-26T05:30:00.003-07:002015-09-26T05:30:59.651-07:00Two years.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Today marks two years the ban on exit
letters has been in place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most days I
try to think of the way we were with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The way he was when we left him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It hurts to think of him with so much time between us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Two. Years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I think of the
730 days we’ve missed with him…I can’t, I just can’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t let myself dwell on the sadness of
this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I felt the pain everyday, it
would be too much to bare.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there are
days….like today…when I feel it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I
let myself look at the pictures and videos and cry all day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I let myself wonder what he will be like
when I see him again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I let myself
wonder IF I will see him again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wait
for something beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wait for a
day I don’t know will come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I wait,
I force myself to see the beauty in what is now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The new life God has given us that moves and
grows rapidly inside the mystery of the womb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My eldest son that gives the extra dose of joy I need each day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am grateful, I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But today, I cry for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ache for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Moses.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>“Now, in the Bible a name…reveals the
very essence of a thing, or rather the essence as God's gift…To name a thing is
to manifest the meaning and value God gave it, to know it as coming from God
and to know its place and function within the cosmos created by God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To name a thing, in other words, is to bless
God for it and in it.” </i>- John Piper<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Originally we chose the name Moses
because it meant “drawn up out of the water”, and I always loved the story of
Moses in the Bible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was raised by
people that were not his race but he went back to save his people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was literally “drawn up” out of his
circumstances to a higher purpose in the overarching story of the God who loved
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We always hoped that our Moses
would feel at home with us but have a tugging on his heart to give back to the
people and the culture that birthed him. We had hoped that he would also be
used by God someday to be a great man for his people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">We didn’t know when we chose this
name how significant it would become to his/our journey. We didn’t know the
long echoing cry of the patriarch of the Bible would become our cry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Let my people go” “Let our children go” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Very different situations, but to me the cry
of desperation is the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is one of
God’s children, an Israelite and he has yet to be “drawn up” out of the water
to fulfill his purpose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But if Moses and
the Israelites can wander in the desert for 40 years, we too can wait on God’s
timing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We may never see what God does
through our Moses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But we trust that God
will do what He promised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He will draw
His people closer to himself and we will wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He will hear our groanings and he will not forget us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">These words have echoed in my heart
all week. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>I could just sit<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>I could just sit and wait for all
Your goodness<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>Hope to feel Your presence<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>And I could just stay<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>I could just stay right where I am
and hope to feel You<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>Hope to feel something again<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>And I could hold on<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>I could hold on to who I am and never
let You<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>Change me from the inside<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>And I could be safe<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>I could be safe here in Your arms and
never leave home<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>Never let these walls down<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>But You have called me higher<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>You have called me deeper<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><i>Where You lead me<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><o:p><i> </i></o:p></span><i style="color: #262626; font-size: 16pt;">And I will be Yours, oh</i></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">-All Sons and Daughters<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Jen S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12991892737298957607noreply@blogger.com